Stressed to the max

I feel like my head is going to implode. I have had a migraine for three days now. I think it started when I decided that I have found a townhome I like and that I want to purchase. That means pinching pennies, cashing in side funds, yada yada yada and coming up with a chunk of change to cover earnest money to let the seller know I'm serious, an inspection to make sure I'm not getting screwed, AND an application fee for the actual mortgage from the bank. All on top of hoping no one else has decided this is "the one" and does all of this before me!

Long story short, it is a three story duplex in a four unit association. It was built in 1938 and comes with a lot of character. Hardwood floors, original crown molding, updated kitchen and bathroom with tile. New applicances. Main floor living area, 2nd floor master, bath and guestroom. Third floor half bath and two rooms that I would turn into a office as it is basically a finished attic. Like I said, great character. The boyfriend came with last night to inspect the nuts and bolts of it. He seems to have deemed it acceptable except the "character" doesn't appeal to him. Tough, I liked it. And for me, that is important, I have to like the place I'm going to commit to buying.

Now, mom is still sick. She has been out of the hospital since Saturday. For an update, she developed a methicillin resistant staph aureus pneumonia. for the non-medical, that means a bad ass pneumonia immune to the most commonly used antibiotics. Thus, she is now on IV antibiotics through a PICC line at home. The bonus, the are not the gentlest drugs on your kidneys and her kidneys don't work that great thanks to tumor in her abdomen that keeps clasping the stents they have placed. She saw her oncologist today, plan is to attempt to continue with chemotherapy, her internal medicine doctor checked her labs, he is increasing the number of days on the antibiotic. She is tired, worn out, and confused on what she should do. Mentioned just not wanting to live like this. Not sure the translation on that but....you get the picture.

In two days, my much anticipated new boss starts. I can't wait but it means new hours, uncertainity, stepping outside of my box. Right now, i would like to just stay in my box, turn off the lights, curl up with a box of chocolate and a blanket and hum the theme to the Smurfs to block out the real world.

Now, there is every cliche' in the book. It all happens for a reason, what is meant to be will be, it all works out in the end. All that said, it still is stressful. Cried my way through dinner at Panera with the boyfriend last night, was bitchy as hell and probably bit his head off when I shouldn't have (he's just trying to help) and I have had a massive headache since Sunday that seems to be resisting every 6 hour tylenol, two doses of migraine medicine, and lots of water and caffiene. I'm going to attempt to pack my head in ice with another round of meds at bedtime and see what happens.

In the meantime, I'm destressing in the best way I know how. Cooking two different types of lasagna and brownies in preparation for 10 people coming to my house for my friend Dan's going away party. he said tomorrow night would work so I made it to wally world last night, got the necessaries, and tonight I have prepped. Lasagna's are layered and chilled. Soon the brownies will be baking. Tomorrow when I get home from my Sports Medicine appt to have molds made of my feet for orthodics I will only have to stick the pans in the oven, turn it on, mix the salad, heat the bread and corn, and be done :) Food, wine and friends. that should help.

These are a few of my favorite things...

I have a serious case of the blahs. With mom being basically put on pallative care, trying to buy a house, and starting with a new surgeon this week, my brain has turned to barely functional. So yesterday afternoon before leaving work I confirmed a breakfast with a good girlfriend and arranged to follow it with a deep tissue massage.

I'm home now from all of that, I have taken a little nap and am contemplating cleaning my house. instead, i'm going to make a list of my favorite things. I haven't done that since starting my blog so I thought I would give it a try. i was trying very hard during my massage to think of them in my head. So, without further ado, here is a list of my 100 favorite things, in no particular order.

1. Big loud thunderstorms with pouring rain
2. Flannel sheets and down comforters
3. My mom's molassess cookies
4. " " potato salad
5. " " homemade dinner rolls
6. Montana sunsets after a big thunderstorm
7. The sound of Avlanche Gorge, in Glacier National Park
8. The smell of a thick, green forest in the morning dew
9. Cheesesticks and movie nights with my best friend Heather
10. A good microbrewed beer...particularly a Miner's Gold from the Lewis and Clark Brewery or Beltian White from Harvest Moon
11. Sleeping in on Saturday mornings
12. A surprise letter in the mailbox from a friend
13. Grandma's beef barley stew
14. the smell of a warm apple pie but the taste of a cold piece
15. Plain old vanilla ice cream
16. A night on the living room floor lit by candles and the fireplace
17. Snowflakes
18. My friend Laura's spaghetti sauce
19. Hanging out with my uncle's grandson, Toby, who is 11 now
20. Hiking in the Rockie Mountains
21. Soft wool sweaters
22. Silk camisoles
23. My sherling wool Land's End slippers
24. A big fluffy robe
25. Laughing with friends around a home cooked meal
26. Crunching in thick trails of fall leaves
27. The excitement of a high school football game on a cold winter night
28. Denver Broncos Football!
29. That feeling after a really good workout when initially you just didn't feel like doing it
30. Curling up on my boyfriend's shoulder and falling to sleep
31. Watching babies sleep
32. Long naps
33. Scary Movie: Silence of the Lambs
34. Chic Flick: Beaches and Under the Tuscan Sun
35. Girl Power movie: GI Jane
36. Classic: the original One Flew Over the Cuckoo Nest
37. Favorite book: The Alienist by Caleb Carr
38. Favorite author: Patricia Cornwell
39. TV Show: CSI (the original)
40. Peaches and heavy cream
41. Listening to my cats purr
42. taking pictures
43. A good scary movie
44. The smell of a rose garden
45. Yellow roses and white tulips
46. the color orange
47. lying in the sun
48. shoveling snow
49. Sipping hot tea and watching the snow fall
50. Thanksgiving
51. Fall colors
52. The feeling of freshly harvested wheat running through your fingers
53. Hot chocolate with peppermint schnapps, wrapped up in a blanket
54. Rain on a tent
55. The smell of fresh cut alfalfa
56. Walks on the beach at dusk
57. Watching movies with a big blanket and pillows all over the floor on a stormy day
58. Leather bound journals and planners
59. Big heavy pens and pencils
60. Giving gifts
61. Reading
62. The brisk feeling of a early fall morning on your face
63. Dark Chocolate
64. Strawberries and champagne
65. A warm cozy house
66. Dress pants from The Limited
67. Hidden Lake outside of Helena, MT
68. Long dinners with candlelight and music with a loved one
69. Any Harry Connick, Jr CD (yes, I have them all...thanks to Os)
70. Alison Kraus and Union Station
71. My boys...reggie and romeo
72. my first dog...Smutter
73. Making snow forts
74. The smell of a freshly cleaned house
75. Thick cotton socks
76. A good brandy sour
77. A night out on the dance floor until closing time
78. Bluegrass music
79. A good back massage...either giving on OR getting one
80. Getting a pedicure
81. My black hills gold ring that has my great grandmother's wedding band diamonds in it
82. The cross my grandfather gave grandma when he left for world war II
83. Summer's at gifted camp when I was growing up
84. That feeling on a plane ride you get as you land at "home"
85. Smore's...without the chocolate
86. Flannel pajama pants
87. Kissing
88. ...and being kissed, on the neck
89. Hugs
90. Holding hands
91. Getting a thank you for something unexpected
92. Baby giggles
93. Pear candles
94. Drafting floor plans on a drafting board for fun...always to big or elaborate to really build
95. Suturing (I know, morbid, but I really enjoy it...it appeals to the perfectionist in me)
96. Making jewelry
97. the taste of water from a glacier cold mountain stream
98. My old reading tree in my back yard when I was a kid...it had the perfect nook to sit in
99. Traveling...to wherever
100. Robert Frost's poem...The Road Less Traveled

Half Nekkid...and peeling

This is what remains from this past weekend's boating trip. A one centimeter strip right at my hair line that is peeling. Isn't that just disgusting! I'm sure all my patients thought I had horrible dandruff today. Itches like crazy and if I try to goober if with lotion it just makes my hair all nasty. Oh joy!

On a side note, the house search is down to two. By tuesday next week i should be putting an offer on one of the two. I'll keep everyone updated.

As promised

Here's the lyrics to Hicktown...again, set more in the south but could very well have been my hometown of Isabel, SD to a tee.

You like the way that sounds?

Little Jimmy Jackson is jackin' up his Bronco
He's gonna lay a little rubber later on at the truck pull
All the girls are getting pretty sprayin' on the White Rain
Yeah they're gonna get a rowdy tonight down at the football game

Yeah

Chorus:
We let it rip when we got the money
Let it roll if we got the gas
It gets wild yeah but that's the way we get down
In a Hicktown

Well you can see the neighbors butt crack nailing on his shingles
And his woman's smokin' Pall Malls watchin' Laura Ingles
And Granny's getting lit she's headin' out to bingo
Yeah my buddies and me are goin' muddin' down on Blue Hole Road
You know You know

Chorus:
We let it rip when we got the money
Let it roll if we got the gas
It gets wild yeah but that's the way we get down
In a Hicktown

We hear folks in the city party in Martini Bars
And they like to show off in their fancy foreign cars
Out here in the boondocks we buy beer at Amoco
And crank our Kraco speakers with that country radio

Chorus

We let it rip when we got the money
Let it roll if we got the gas
It gets wild yeah but that?s the way we get down
Oh Oh We let it rip when we got the money
Let it roll if we got the gas
Its buck wild yeah but that?s the way we get down
In a Hicktown
In a Hicktown
It's the way we get down
In a Hicktown

Yeah in a Hicktown
Oh we aint finished yet
We got yer country boys and yer redneck girls
It's the party heard round the world
Right here in Hicktown
Yeah In Hicktown
The whole town's gettin' down

Boondocks

Last month when I posted about the red neck white trash I encountered at the Hayfield, MN street dance, my sister gave me a hard time for "making fun" of the place I grew up. As I mentioend, I was not intending to offend anyone. So, below you will find the words to a country song that is set in the south but the emotion it conveys is the same for where I have spent the majority of my life...rural, western america. There is another song called "Hick town" that is also quite appropriate. When I find the lyrics for it, I'll post those too. The below song is set to a driving bluegrass beat with a sweet round at the end with the last verse. Get in your blood music!

"BOONDOCKS" by: Little Big Town

I feel no shame
I'm proud of where I came from
I was born and raised in the boondocks
One thing I know No matter where I go
I keep my heart and soul in the boondocks

And I can feel
That muddy water running through my veins
And I can hear that lullaby of a midnight trainIt sings to me and it sounds familiar

I feel no shame
I'm proud of where I came from I was born and raised in the boondocks
One thing I know
No matter where I go I keep my heart and soul in the boondocks

And I can taste
That honeysuckle and it's still so sweet
When it grows wild
On the banks down at old camp creek
Yeah, and it calls to me like a warm wind blowing

I feel no shame
I'm proud of where I came from I was born and raised in the boondocks
One thing I know
No matter where I go I keep my heart and soul in the boondocks

It's where I learned about living
It's where I learned about love
It's where I learned about working hard
And having a little was just enoughIt's where I learned about Jesus
And knowing where I stand
You can take it or leave it, this is me
This is who I am
Give me a tin roof
A front porch and a gravel road
And that's home to meIt feels like home to me

I feel no shame
I'm proud of where I came from I was born and raised in the boondocks
One thing I know
No matter where I go I keep my heart and soul in the boondocks

I keep my heart and soul in the boondocks

You get a line, I'll get a pole
We'll go fishing in the crawfish hole
Five-card poker on a Saturday night
Church on Sunday morning

2x}You get a line, I'll get a pole
We'll go fishing in the crawfish hole(Down in the boondocks)
Five-card poker on a Saturday night
Church on Sunday morning

Say a little prayer for me

Mi-crooked letter-crooked letter-i-crooked letter-crooked letter-i-hump back-hump back-i

There I did it...I can still spell Mississippi! Yesterday a group of us spent the day boating on the Mississippi River. We couldn't have asked for a better day. Plenty of sunshine, little wind, lots of water. Here are a few pictures. The best part of the day was all the video, still working on uploading, downloading, and transferring all that amongst the group.




Tim borrowed his Dad's boat and Dave hooked it up to the truck and off we went. Tim was official driver. We dropped in around Wabasha, which is on the MN side of the river after the navigator (Dave) took us briefly into WI. As you can see, once we were in we had a great time.


Gretchen joined us, wrist splint and all. the doctor said no swimming or soaking. She kept it dry and even managed to play volleyball. We found a beach with a group of guys with a net and a "sorta" ball. Figured since it was our volleyball team that went we better made a good showing.

Brian and I, as we were heading out of the docking area, trying to make sure we had significant sunscreen coverage. Today, i have a little rim around my forehead, a triangle behind my arm, and a small stripe on my lowback. Not bad!

This is the crew stopping in the cove for lunch. Left to right, me, Gretchen, Dave, and Brian. Tim was up on the sand dune taking pictures. Today, the guys are moving a bit slow from their skiing/tubing adventures, but all are alive. I'm going to try to figure out how to link the video to you all later.

Skippin' out

well, since posting my last entry things have calmed down somewhat. I have gone house hunting twice this week and tonight found one that I really liked, it is whispering in my ear right now but the location isn't the greatest. But I'm making progress.

Two loads of jeans/pants are washed and tagged for the garage sale. A pile of hanging shirts and dresses are also tagged and ready for the garage sale. have left a message at my friend's house to set up a drop-off time for tomorrow.

We have a final count on our lake pepin trip, I just need to send out a grocery list.

So, in general, my head isn't spinning nearly as fast as it was on Tuesday but with everything going on I'm bowing out of Half Nekkid Thursday and hopefully will simply be able to find time to look at all of those that have posted. I sort of participated, I posted Osbasso's pic for him :)

Hope you guys all have a great weekend. We head to the lake on Saturday for the day. That should help me relax and get back into my routine. I'll be more interesting then :)

I'm home, Mom's sick, and I'm swamped

It's Tuesday night, 10:30 pm, I've been home since yesterday at 5 pm.

Made the return trip in 8.5 hours of driving time for a total of 592 miles one way.

Top gas price paid was $2.70 a gallon in Chamberlain, SD.

Number of killed birds for trip, 3 (and yes, I ducked when each of them hit the windshield).

Time spent running the water in my house once I got home, 2.5 hours as a water main broke while I was gone and left rust colored stuff in all the pipes.

Number of loads of laundry done since getting home, only one just now put in the dryer due to previously mentioned water issue.

At least I also have a load of garage sale clothes started. Speaking of which, I have to go through my "wardrobe", clean, fold and tag a bunch of clothes for Saturday garage sale.

Mom had her first chem two days before I got there, went three days without eating afterwards due to being sick. Man, that was hard. She yelled at me for trying to vacuum for her on Saturday though so I know she was feeling better. Even made her world famous potato salad for us on Sunday. God love that woman. And as of today, blood tests show the poison they are pumping through her in HALF doses hasn't killed her kidneys yet so they can do it again in 2 weeks.

This week I have to meet twice with my realtor, I'm trying to find a house and it's crazy. I am meeting a new nurse here at the clinic that graduated from carroll college. Need to plan for weekend boating trip (spent 1.5 hours on the phone with Tim to discuss the trip).

Need to add Dan's website to my blog list as he is leaving us in 2 weeks to set out on a world tour for at least a year with a backpack, a camera and a laptop! See Moose Kin...need to figure out fuckin' code to make link appear in blog text! Os...what you sent didn't work!

Need to see the boyfriend (had dinner and played mini-golf last night) but we are both up to our eyebrows in work.

Speaking of work, Dr T is on a micromanaging warpath and yesterday redid my entire september calendar and didn't bother telling me about it. Scheduling nightmare! I have to endure a meeting on Friday morning with him with the other PA and NP on the service. NOT looking forward to it. God, give me strength.

Need to sleep. Sleep? Anyone know why we really need to sleep?

So, if I haven't stopped by your blog this week, I'm sorry. If I don't stop by this week, I'm sorry. I'm going to be getting a lot of shit done while attempting to avoid being shit on (left the farm cats alone after Saturday's little adventure thank you!). If I don't get a half nekkid picture up, I'm sorry. I'll try! That's all I can say for this week. Hopefully I'll visit you all before next but if not, happy mid-August!

I miss my kitties

My kitties are going to think i have permanently abandoned them. After today's little adventure, I definitely miss my kitties. I'm currently hanging out on the farm that I grew up on. As most of you know, my mom hasn't been doing the best and i had the trip planned anway, so I'm here. Got in on Thursday after driving 600 miles. There is a country song that talks about driving home, going 2000 miles with one left turn. i go 500 miles make a right turn and go another 100. Interstate 90 across SD is NOT exciting. not even with all the biker's headed to the final weekend of the world famous Sturgis Bike Rally. Anway...I'm digressing.

Wednesday night and thursday morning the kitties were hovering over the suitcase, understanding that mommy was leaving again. I had only been home for about a week since the little house sitting stent (which I finally got paid for!!). They followed me to the door with each load I took out. Sad. I gave them big hugs and kisses and left. Upon arrival at mom and dad's, I was greeted by the farm kitties. They came mewing at my feet, waiting for food. My sister has a small handful that she has tamed and they hover around the house. Two older one's and one from last spring's litter. The little one is very friendly. The mom, not so much. The third one, depends on her mood. All three are horribly skinny. You can feel all their bones but you should see them eat! Mice, baby rabbits, people food. You name it, they eat tons but you could never tell.

Today, my aunt Brenda came out for lunch. I decided to greet her on the porch. It was around lunch time so the cats were hovering, hoping for the leftovers to be brought out. The mommy was wrapping herself around my ankles so i decided to pick her up. I was playing with her, scratching her head, brenda was coming up the steps. Didn't think anything of it. Looked down and I had "something" on my foot. I had just finished sloppy joes for lunch and thought that is what was on my foot but as I let the cat down to investigate I realized the "something" was all the way down my side and my arm as well.

Damn cat, shit on me! That's right. She pooped all over me. Little fucker! I stood their sceaming, my aunt laughing and no one coming to rescue me. I teetered into the house doing everything I could do keep my lunch down, screaming at my sister to get me clean clothes and trying to get to the shower without spreading the "stuff" all over what was still clean. EWWWW! I gagged for the first 10 minutes in the shower while I scrubbed and scrubbed trying to inhale the sweet scent of my bath gel! Did I mention the cat SHIT on me? Ewww~ man, do I miss the farm life. As I sit and type this, I'm all clean and I'm watching a gaggle of wild turkeys and their babies wander across the yard. Supper anyone?

Half Nekkid Thursday

I'm freshly out of the shower, post-volleyball. The little sparklies on the left and right are from my Victoria's secret silk tank with rhinestone "V"'s. I have matching bottoms that are super comfy too. The moose necklace doesn't usually come off unless I'm dressed up and need to wear something "classier". Otherwise, it's always there.

I'm heading to SD to see my mom tomorrow morning so I'm posting a bit early. I'll be there till Monday. Have these weird feelings about going home. Feel a bit anxious, like I don't know if this will be the last time I see here or not. Just don't know "how bad" things really are.

Anyway, so I'm up for HNT, still haven't made it through all of last weeks :( Have a great weekend!

Sawyer Brown...aging well

Hubba hubba. Last night the girls and I went to the Freeborn County Fair in Southeaster, MN to check out Sawyer Brown for a whooping $8. Mark Miller, the lead singer, along with the rest of the band, have aged amazing well. The band started on Star Search in 1983 and 22 years later they are still going strong. Mark danced and jumped his way through the entire show. So here are a few shots from the night including the girls.

Sexy video

Just a little note...has anyone else seen the new Nickel Creek video for their song "when in rome"? If you check out my previous posts about bluegrass music and how it makes me feel you know that I just melt with good bluegrass music. Their new video is sexy as hell. Pouring rain, lying in the puddle, oh my. Is it hot in here?

Half Nekkid Thursday...a bit boring this week

So this housesitting job and my mom being sick this past week have sucked the life from me so I'm using an old picture this week and going to bed early. Her is my headshot from Ben's wedding way back in May. I took the time off work to have my hair done for me and pamper myself...I think it turned out ok. A little red-eye, Dave's ear, but overall not a bad recent picture of me. Happy HNT!

Interviewed again

I figured I would have someone ask me five random questions who didn't know me as well as Os does. Since Jason answered some on his site I have asked him to line me up with a few. Here they are.

~JaSoN~ said...
K, Moose. Here goes!

1.) You've been given the power to do really life changing thing. What would you change, and why?

That's a tough one. With everything going on with my mom right now, I think the first thing that I would say off the top of my head would be to end cancer. But, there are people who have had cancer and have cancer that do amazing things. Look at Lance Armstrong, he's as arrogant as hell but damn, he beat cancer with brain metatasis and won 7 tours!

I'm really passionate about sick kids. Not kids with colds and such, but kids that were born sick or developed illness or deformities as a child. I use to work a great deal with athletes. Big strong, massive football players to be exact. They whined and complained worse than anyone I have ever heard. And they weren't even elite level athletes. On the flip side I have worked with kids with skeletal deformities who with all of their 2.5 foot tall crooked self argued with the doctors about whether or not they needed yet another surgery because as far as they knew they were "perfect". Because they were very young, most of these kids believe they are the normal ones and that all those kids that can run, jump, or have hair are abnormal. These kids have amazing personalities and personal strength that is immeasurable.

If I had life changing powers, I wouldn't take away their disease. I would pass on their strength and will to those that whine and complain about inconsequential things in their lives, giving them the insight to see what is truly important...smiling, laughing, being an individual.

2.) Where would be your ideal place to live if you had to pick one place to stay forever?

I would live in Glacier National Park. There are a few old outstations that use to be chalets back in the early days of the park. You can ride a horse back in there, some of them even still have plumbing. I would stay year round. If not one of the chalets, than somewhere along the avalanche gorge area or up the creek at The Loop in the park. Imagine the greenest green you have ever seen, icy cold clear waters, grizzly bears, moose, mountain goats and sheep, the freshest air imaginable, and the view....breathtaking!

3.) You've just robbed a bank, and are in no danger of ever getting caught. What would you do with all $1.5 million you just stole?

Give most of it away. I would take a bit and invest, live off the interest and go to places like New Zealand for a hiking trip, build my house in Glacier Park. Donate the majority to places like the Shriner's, Make A Wish, Habitat for Humanity, and Carroll College (my almater). Build my parents a house, keep going to school. That's a lot of dough, just the interest in the right accounts would make myself and lots of organizations comfortable.

4.) How would you describe peace to someone that had never experienced it before?

I'm going to go with the angle of inner peace, personal peace, not sure if I could even touch something like world peace because if you look through history I don't think such a thing has ever existed. True peace is something you don't expect to find, you can't go looking for it. It is also a process, it doesn't happen at once. Peace comes from a multifactorial individual. One has to be confidant with one's self, one's surroundings, and the choice's one makes. I wouldn't call it a clear conscience because I think there are unpeaceful things that occur in one's life that can have a strong influence on one finding peace. Peace often comes from times of extreme trouble, emotional pain but also from triumph, accomplishment. It is a comfort level which comes from within. You know you have found it because there is a "click", it just becomes.

5.) If you had to go without one of your senses for a week, which one would you choose? What if it were for longer than a week?

I think I would have to say sight for both...if only for a week, or forever. I'm a very "hearing" and "tasting" person. Sounds can trigger a lot of emotions for me. Music, the sound of my favorite stream, a thunderstorm...all can cause very powerful physical reactions to me. If I lost my sense of smell or taste I would be very miserable. I take great pleasure in food and in the smell of being. The smell of the house I grew up in, the taste of grandma's beef barley stew. I wouldn't want to not be able to experience that again. The smell of my boyfriend or the smell of my work, those are all important things to me. As an individual that already has sight and has many many wonderful life experiences, I think I could rely on my mind's eye to create imagine in my head. Does that make sense?

I hate cancer

With all the talk of writing about something "important" in bloggerworld, I'll write about my current tears as I type this. It isn't a social issue, won't make world headlines and sure is a far way from political but it's important. I just found out my mom is going to have to start chemo for the third time since February of 01. Third time her hair will fall out, third time she will have to drive 120 miles one way to have the poison pumped into her system, third time we will keep the nasty never ending replicating cancer cells at bay. For what purpose...to keep her alive.

I work in the medical field. It was my choice. Only thing I ever wanted to do. I work at the world's premier medical center. Big fat fucking deal! I can't keep my mom from slowly being killed by a cancer that should have been diagnosed years before it was. I have no control over the inferior doctor who ignored every one of her complaints for a year, did less than adequate exams and then documented "normal findings" prior to her being admitted five days later into the hospital in Feb of 2001 only to have half of her insides cut out two days later with late stage ovarian cancer growing in all these nooks and crannies. I have no control over the slow painful consequences of the disease. I can't make it go away, I couldn't have prevented it. I could bring her here to Mayo to the best doctor's in the world (or so they say). Would it make a difference? Who knows, she wants to stay at home.

Now, the kicker. She is one strong woman. Three rounds of chemo, excruciating back and shoulder pain from the chemo only accelerating arthritis, kidney stents that repeating get blocked, never ending fatigue. You know what she does for a living? She's a farmer. Technically, she is schooled as a nurse. She said the hell with that not long after she started working as a nurse and now does the one thing she always wanted to do. Have a farm. So after 4.5 years of battling this always fatal cancer, she spends her days out on the tractor stacking bales, swathing hay, checking the calves in the winter. In between she cooks/cater for local events, makes amazing wedding cakes. Why? Because if she sits on her keester and does nothing she hurts everywhere. If she is busy and does what she loves, she hurts everywhere but at least she is doing something. God Damn the fucking cancer! I'm a left wing catholic to the core and I talk to God in one way or the other multiple times a day but nothing can stop me from hating what this disease is doing to one amazing, strong, much too young to be facing what she is facing woman that I call Mom.

Yes, we are all dying. We could all be hit by a bus or have the earth implode and the entire human race disappear. Death is inevitable. There is even what people call "natural death". We get old, our bodies wear out, and we die. There is also "unnatural death". A death which is still inevitable but follows a path of sickness and pain. It strikes the young, the middle age, and the old. that is a death I would never wish upon my worst enemy. But, that is what is happening to my mom. And to think there are people who shrug their shoulders at that and say, "well, every one dies". That doesn't make the emotional and physical pain of an unnatural death easier.

So, I'm going home in 10 days or so to spend five days at home. I had planned to eat homemade molasses cookies, mom's potato salad and buns and vegg. I'm still going to do that. Only now mom will be two days out from starting her third round of chemo therapy. if you believe in prayer, say one please. I'm going to try to enjoy my time back in SD with my family, ignoring the little black cloud that wants to just hover over a farm in the middle of nowhere.

Half Nekkid---Post Hottub

I'm house sitting for the week. Long story to that but there is a perk, the owners have a hottub which Dave and I are taking advantage of. last night after volleyball we soaked for about 40 minutes and I had him shoot this picture when we got out. This is the most flesh I've showed thus far for this event, we will see how it goes and see how the rest of the week house sitting goes as I'm sure we will be out in the tub a few times this weekend yet too. Enjoy!

White trash, red neck street fest

Now, with that heading one would think I had headed back to Montana. Nope. I found the stereotypical street debauchery of the white trash, red neck world in the striving metropolis of Hayfield, Minnesota last night. Of course, I felt pretty much right at home. The guys, on the other hand, were quite entertained. I think by night's end, they were digressing to some level of white trashiness themselves :)

Hayfield has it's own high school but I wouldn't call it big at all. It sits in the middle of a few cornfields. They block off a couple of blocks of street between the Legion Bar and another bar across the street. Buy a button and you can come and go throughout the night. Buy an arm's length of beer tickets for $20. Feast on pulled pork sandwiches, deep fat fried cheese curds, nachos, and really cheap nasty Budweiser. Add too the mix a line of port-o-potties, every cop in the country, and a country band (whose sound guy was from Missoula, MT and their bass player from Odessa, TX, home of the Friday Night Lights football story). You have all the makings for a truly hot summer night (nevermind, the 100 degree heat index due to the high temps and high humidity).

We have video of some guy in scary boxers and a tank dancing to his own tune in his head, even when no one else was dancing. The cowboy with the cutting-the-circulation-off-in-my-balls-tight jeans and the walmart white wife-beater tank with an 18 inch waist "cuddling" with a 250 lb woman with rolls all over and not enough clothes to cover them. There was the biker chic clad in head to toe leather that with one glance was dancing with her equally leather clad biker boy with his huge knife sheathed on his back hip, and at another glance the same leather clad biker chic was grinding with another gal rigged out in plain jean shorts and a tank. The band played all the top country songs, and yes, I knew the words to every one to the amazement of my male companions. They threw in a few of their originals too. They wouldn't be anything to write home about, if you didn't know the lyrics you couldn't understand all of them, but they did the job.

By the time the night was over, Dave and I had danced to a few. Got Tim to dance a jig or two as well. All of us consumed a fine amount of beer, with the exception of our driver. We laughed a ton at those around us. Met a really really tall man whose shirt read "screw me, I'm german", tried to recruit him for ultimate frisbee but he said volleyball was his game. Drove home with the windows and sunroof wide open to air out the smell of BO emanating from us so freely. got home and crashed around 2 am!

No offense to anyone with this post. It is just the way it is. I grew up with it, I still revel in returning to it, and last night had a blast watching the guys revel at the crowd with me. And to let loose and know that not one single person there cares what they look like, let alone what you look like makes it so much easier to have a great time. Yee-haw!

It's NEKKID Time!

This picture was specifically taken on my Montana trip in anticipation of today. What more would you expect in Montana than a denim skirt (hiked for the picture), a blanket, and rodeo arena dirt? If you look closely my right knee looks shiny. That's the cellophane like dressing keeping my roadrashed knee from getting all nasty. Two and a half weeks later and it's still oozing.

Questions from Os

Os hooked me up with this little game. Here are the rules and my answers to his five questions.

1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying "interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions -- each person's will be different.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

1) What's up with the whole "moose" thing?

My grandmother is from Maine. When I was a kid I got to travel everywhere with Grandma and Grandpa during the summer. I would go to Aunt Brenda's with them, to Nebraska, their doctor's appts, you name it. The only trip I never got to take with them was to Grandma's home state of Maine because they always went in the fall and Mom and Dad wouldn't let me skip school. So I always asked grandma to bring me something with a moose on it.

Then I moved to Montana where there are real moose. (South Dakota doesn't have them!) My college friends found out I liked moose and started giving me more and more stuff. I also created my first email account then and used my maiden name which was pronounced "call" so my email read "moose call". My roommate had a thing for collecting cows and had a cow related nickname. our next door neighbor roared through the outlet between our rooms one night when we were watching "Ghost in the Darkness" scaring the shit out of us and she got stuck with a lion nickname. The names stuck and my moose collection has grown. My boyfriend in college came up with the Moosekiss. Added that to my license plates.

That's pretty much the story. I like it. They are sort of awkward looking creatures with those spindly legs and huge heads but can be very graceful when on the move. Sort of like me. I have awkward days often but when I try I can pull it off pretty well.

2) Thongs. Yes or no? Why? No, really. Why?

Yes, not as often as I use to though. And believe it or not, they are actually fairly comfortable. No real reason why, more of a just because. Also with all the dress pants I wear to work, thongs eliminate the panty line issue. Nothing worse than looking like you have four butt cheeks because of ill placed panty lines.

3) Your unknown weird uncle Jerome has died and left you a fortune in his will. You have the option of, a) receiving, tax-free, $500K per year, as well as $50M being donated to the American Cancer Society every year, but you will never be allowed to cross the border into Montana ever again, OR b) the same $50M will be given to Muslim terrorist groups, you'll receive a modest, but comfortable allowance, but you will be forced to never LEAVE Montana. What would you do?

If Uncle Jerome wasreally as weird as I'm assuming you are suggesting, not quite sure he is really family anyway, never bothered to talk to me when he was alive, I would thumb my nose at his money and tell his lawyers to keep it.

4) You're about to be executed for some really nasty crimes. What would you order for your final meal?

Cool, did I do something fun at least? Seriously...I would want a York burger with mushrooms and swiss, my mom's buns and potato salad, a lb of king crab legs, bread pudding made my the old cooks from when I was a kid smeared with peanut butter, mom's molasses cookies and a mint mocha from the Morning Light. Probably a keg of Beltian White to wash it all down and numb the anxiety of that whole needle bit to follow.

5) Have you had sex in every room of your home (incl. garage and kitties' bathroom!)?

Not yet (wink, wink)

Montana Friends

Those big blue eyes on that little girl with all the thick hair belong to 6 month old Kalley. She is the first daughter of my friends Chris and Kayme from college. Little Kalley is currently going through a touch of stranger anxiety but we hung out over breakfast at the Bagel Company on Tuesday morning.





This is Tyler, Alyssa's little brother. He was a complete cuddle bug during the night. Poor little guy had just gotten over the chicken pox so he was a bit spotty and the bugs seemed to like nibbling on his soft skin too. I was happy with lots of slobbery kisses from him





This little cutey is Alyssa. I babysat her while I was waiting to hear about PA jobs. She was just little than. Now she is a very grown-up 2 year old, who is quite fiesty! After eating her York Bar Grilled Cheese she got to have a nice purple sucker!





This is Os and Just.A.Girl at the Brewhouse in Helena the night we went to the Mission Mountain Wood Band concert. They were drinking 24 oz quaffs of beer, that is my very small 10 oz. I had beer nearly every day that I was in MT so I felt the need to take it easy. Beltian White (made by Harvest Moon Brewery in Belt, MT) comes with an orange slice in it and is super smooth!




This would be Todd (blonde) and Nolan (the other one). I've known them since '93. Great guys that would do anything in the world for anyone that was deserving. They met us at Heather's house to join us for Alive @ 5.




Heather and I blissfully happy after a 1/3rd lb. York Bar hamburger. Super good. You get the burger, potato chips and a York Peppermint Pattie. Doesn't sound like a lot but the burger is massive and super good. I washed mine down with a Caesar. Never had one as good as at York, the lady makes homemade Clamato for it. Perfection!