Spinning My Wheels

Ever feel that way?

I have this unsettling feeling of just spinning my wheels lately. You know, the perpetual gerbil on a wheel? Yeah, that feeling.

I got home from Christmas vacation and had a couple days to get "back into the groove". I spent them making sure my house and car didn't freeze and cause damage to anything. The winter has been a new and expected experience. I then went back to work. Work is far more mentally challenging and stimulating then where I was. For that I am grateful. My Stampin' Up business has been taking off, which is exciting. Nonetheless, I feel like I can't quite catch up with all I need to be caught up with.

I feel like the state our nation is in over the last year has led many of us to feel this way. Along with our usual concerns of work and family time we have the pressures of keeping our heads above water. Except for the privileged few who feel they can still go about extravagant means of life, the rest of us are making things keep ticking. The pressures to cut back and stay ahead are all around. I have a stack of mail spilling over the desk to go through. The personal mail has been taken care of but then there is all the "other" mail. My Stampin' supplies have encroached on living and dining room. I'm still eating which sometimes gets forgotten when I feel too busy but the dishes are in the sink. I have a load of laundry in the dryer right now that has been in the basket since my first week home after vacation.

I have been getting to assist with several procedures in the operating room this past few weeks as well and I love it. It's the key responsibility missing from my previous job. The new role is exciting, I'm learning new things, I'm more involved in patient care. All things I was craving and all reasons for the big move. However, I now have less time for my "usual" roles as well. I spent Friday evening after work typing notes until 7:30 pm because I didn't get to them on surgical days because we were busy. I need to assess my time management skills at work. I have enough to keep me busy, I just need to coordinate getting it all done in a timely fashion.

I have also seriously slacked in paying attention to my body. I had been doing well up until the three months before moving. I was at least playing sports up until I left. I got to Fort Wainwright and was walking distance to the gym for 6 weeks. Never went. I have been working each week since getting home to get more physical activity into my week. The first week back at work I did well. I am using the equipment in our Physical Therapy treatment room. I also have my BOSU ball and yoga mat out. However, I couldn't help but feel frustrated when I got on the mat to do my "old" workout. I was physically not conditioned enough to do it. I hate getting "behind" like that when I know if I just keep it consistent it prevents the back pedalling. The second week didn't go as well. I had too much going, not enough sleep, and too much to do. Bad excuses, everyone's fall back excuses. I know.

Last week, a treasured family friend passed away. I felt his lose somewhat acutely as the night before his passing I had just re-read his Christmas letter to me. He wrote me the most encouraging, loving letter just after Christmas. It brought tears to my eyes when I opened it upon my return. It was special enough to keep out and reread. Now, in hind sight, I feel as though I was honored enough to have him say good-bye. Not being able to travel the 3000 miles for the funeral was hard. I did talk to all my family members though and we all shared stories of Gwyn and his life as a true South Dakota rancher and sheep herder. The loss also made fresh the not completely healed wounds of mom and grandma's death but I know I have several "shepards" watching over me now.

So tonight, I sit pondering how to get my ducks in a row. Where do I start in the mass pile of bills, mail, and things to be put away in my office? What days can I best fit in a workout? Will I continue to hold to my promise to myself to get my notes done on the day of or the next day of an appointment? Where do I find the energy to continue to put forth the effort to make my Stampin' Up business go? Lastly, where do I find time to spiritually and mentally catch up? The whirl and excitement of all that is new is starting to no longer be enough to sustain the energy to enjoy it all.

I'll keep spinning and just hope my traction control kicks in soon.