Wednesday, June 28, 2006

A cold one...HNT

It's summer time so that means sand volleyball and cold brews. Tonight we pulled out three more wins to give us a record of 15-0. Cause for a bit of a celebration. So before I wash off all that nasty sand here's a "mug shot" with my toesies.

Does that mug look similar to anything you've seen before? I think it's owner is missing something. Guess I should put it in a box and get it to him since his birthday was months ago :)

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Ever just want to look at someone and say, "duh" and mean it with every once of your being?

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Wow...where did the weekend go?

I give up...

In spite of being post-call on Friday I was at work until 5 pm. Then a nap for an hour, a shower and a nice dinner and a movie. We went to Click. Studies have shown anticipation of seeing a funny movie actually causes beneficial increases in endorphin levels. I anticipated a funny movie. By the end of it, the boy was holding my head on his shoulder as my mascara ran down my face onto his sleeve (at least it was a black shirt). I went spill the beans on the movie but there are lessons to learn in it and it isn't all Adam Sandler funny.

Saturday we slept in late. Really late. It was 11:30 before I was out of the shower and moving around. After catching up on my friend Dan's world travels I sat out to run a few errands. I'm cat sitting for a friend, wanted to find a pair of denim capris, and needed to get groceries both for myself and for the massive pot of chili to be made. That got me home again by 5. I made a Chicken Club Ring for dinner with salad and fruit. After making plans to go to a street dance, our plans were foiled by mother nature. When 11:30 rolled around and our friend called to say she was off work, we had been asleep on the couch for over an hour! Oops.

We made plans to meet for lunch and then fell back asleep with a movie on. Eventually made it to bed. Today, it was up in time for 10 o'clock church. Joined up with everyone afterwards for lunch. From lunch to home to pick up the townhome president to go pick out storm doors, then home for 20 minutes before going back to the church for a meeting. Then to the boy's house for a couple hours. Then Target for a few non-grocery things.

Now, chili's made, garlic bread is warming, and I'm about to put it all away and go to bed! the rain all weekend has made me grumpy, the running around made me tired and I'm just going to curl up with my cats and a book and call it a night.

have a great week

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Couldn't be more on the dot...

The PJ's You Are Most Like: His Shirt

You're a loyal and caring girlfriend who can't get enough of her man
So much so that you love to have him with you 24-7
And when he's gone, wearing his shirt is the next best thing

Friday, June 23, 2006

Daily ritual

There are a lot of things we do every day (or should do every day)...brush our teeth, go to bed, hit the snooze button, read before bed, feed the dog/cat/fish. Little habits and quirks that make us who we are. There are a lot of things we do every the rent, the mortgage, the car payment, call that good friend, etc. Weekly tasks include taking the garbage out, maybe a weekly league sporting event. Some of these things we enjoy doing, some we have to do and some we just despise all around.

I have a new "ritual" that is starting to bug the hell out of me. I've never been the type to get my mail every day. I usually go out to the mail box about every other to every third day. What I end up doing with my mail every time I do collect it out of the box is stand at the kitchen counter with the cupboard door open to get to the garbage can so that I can throw 80% of the mail I get out!

Many of you in my age group have student loans. Well, the feds are hiking the rates so every single financial agency (bogus or not) is sending out teasers to get you to consolidate with them. My loans have been consolidated and locked in since 6 months after I graduated college and grad school. Then there are all the credit card companies that know you have student loans and can't spend your own money so why not spend their's. I also get an absurd amount of medical product related media about the newest and latest miracle cure/device/pill for this, that, and the other thing. Then there's the mortgage companies that want to get you a better interest rate. The local business' with the "fine print" coupons that don't really do you any good anyway.
So, I'll continue to wait two to three days to collect my mail. I'll continue to have to throw 80% of it out. And they wonder why the rain forests are disappearing!

Wednesday, June 21, 2006


This is how I feel of late...split, divided, separated. Too many emotions to sort out...happy, sad, prayerful, tired. Sometimes all at once, sometimes alternating...all the same being.

Happy HNT

Monday, June 19, 2006

The subconscious mind

The subconscious mind is a horrible, evil thing. When one has full use of their facilities, it can easily be supressed. Things we chose to forget can easily be tucked away. Raw emotions, unimportant tid bits of information, pain...if fully aware can be hidden safe in the recesses of our mind.

Add a little stress (a dying mother, an ailing grandmother), long hours at work (it's trauma season, duh), travel (a conference, a marathon to work), trouble sleeping (it's too hot, the brain won't slow down) and those carefully tucked away what-nots seep slowly out of their crevices into one's subconcious. So when the exhaused carrier finally reaches the point where she sleeps deeply, the subconscious puts on a dreadful show completely with emotions, smells, sights, and sounds.

This invasion of my finally restful nights leads to a return of many doubts and fears subsequently affecting my relationships with those closet to me. Remember the post a few HNT's ago where I lamented about my inability to utter those three little words to the individual I now love? Last week in the middle of a dream I walked up to him at his kitchen table, put my arm around his shoulders and said "I love you" clear as day and without hesitation. That woke me right up! God, I wish it rolled off that easily when I was awake.

Three years ago last week the person I loved and had vowed to spend my entire life with handed me his wedding ring and left two weeks later. I've mostly moved past that. Well, now that it's that time of year again the subconscious mind where all that pain and heartache has been has started seeping. Two days in a row now I have been awakened in sweats and out of breath from dreams of my current relationship crumbling in front of me. Scares the shit out of me and makes me doubt and question even the slightest suggestion of anything not being just right.

I HATE THAT!!! It's a weakness. It's a sign I don't have control of that piece of my head. It's a testimony to what I can't say when I am in control. It's a whisper of what I should say. It's a trap leading me into self-doubt. The conscious ,logical, level headed part of my brain tells me everything's fine, life is hectic but it's all okay. Now how do I explain that to those that I need to explain it too...

Sunday, June 18, 2006

They ran...

I don't have any pictures loaded yet (I have to wait until my sister gets home and downloads them to share) but I've made it home from Grandma's Marathon weekend in Duluth, MN.

It turned into a terrible race day. Air temps topped 90 degrees and the humidity was through the roof. Bad all around for runners. The top male finished in 2 hours, 14 minutes, and 30 secs, top female in 2 hours, 33 minutes, and 39 seconds. Average time overall was 4 hours, 30 minutes, and 25 secs. A South Dakota runner that my sister was aquainted with was running with the Elite group to qualify for the Olympic Trials. He finished 13th overall and missed qualifying time by 3 minutes. He has another race or to to make it so not all is lost.

"Knowing" someone in the race was way different. All of us at the medical tent at mile marker 19 started yelling at him as soon as we saw him and he had no clue who we were. It was awesome. As he passed, my sister yelled out the special message from our acquitance and he gave us a smile and a thumbs up. We got all teary eyed! Marathon runners are crazy!

My favorite runner was a guy whose foot I took care of. He was 90% covered in skin grafts after having been severaly burned about 11 years ago. One of his graft sites on the botttom of his feet was split open. He had a blister parallel to it and I put a blister dressing over it and then. The graft edge was split open about a centimeter at it's widest point. I put four blister dressings down it's length to pull it together, taped around it to keep it on and put his sock back on and he was off. The guy was built like a brick shit house and amazingly good looking. Yes, good grafts from head to toe and he was beautiful! I don't know his name, don't know if he finished, but something tells me he did!

My sister rubbed and rubbed on several runners to get cramps out. A couple had to pull out there but a lot more got back up after she was done and were back on the course. My aunt had a 50 something with chest pain and a bottoming out blood pressure so he got an IV and an ambulance ride. Overall a busy day and we were wiped out at the end.

On the home front, my own Grandma got her pacemaker and feels well enough to be grumpy! Mom is still at home, had chemo about four days ago and yesterday was pretty sick. Today she feels better.

Now a week with lots to get accomplished. I'll sit down later tonight and write my schedule out and it will be okay.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Spare HNT

I took this a few months ago when I thought I could stock pile HNT shots. I hadn't used it yet because lately I have felt inspired. Tonight is a rush...we were on call and I was at work until 6:45 which left me just enough time to drive to my house for a change of clothes and pack into the car for our 7:15 volleyball game.

9-0 baby! And the knee is still intact this week. Dinner afterwards, a shower and scrub, and to the boy's house. Tomorrow off to Duluth for Grandma's Marathon weekend. My aunt, my sister and I are the medical team for mile marker 19...a ER nurse, an athletic trainer, and a PA respectfully. Should be fun.

So here's a spare shot I had saved away. I bought this chain and my grandma gave me the pendent. I love it. It is solid silver so it's a bit heave and when it rests against my skin it gets warm. Plus it goes with a lot of things. And yes, that's my trusty fuzzy bathrobe.

Happy HNT!

Tuesday, June 13, 2006


Nope, I'm not walking back and forth across the room. Pacing tonight refers to several different things.

Last night the boy and I did a sweet bike ride on the local trails in town. Kept up a pretty good pace, even if the ride ended up longer than planned due to some male testosterone related navigation issues. No hard feelings, it was a beautiful night and the legs were feeling good. I kept the pace until one last big hill. I hate hills, I always slow down about 1/3 of the way up. Oh well! It felt good.

I've also been pacing my schedule. I'm a doer, I would rather have several meetings on the same night every night of the week, multiple tasks at work, a few games to get to, etc. With everything that has been going on, I've been mentally and physically unable to keep up that pace. I have purposely waited to schedule several meetings, we have slowed our surgical calendar to allow more room for trauma cases. In general, instead of time managing, I've just avoided scheduling. It's helping.

Finally, grandma's heart isn't pacing right. She is in "sick sinus". So her heart alternates between a too slow rhythm and a too fast rhythm. So when it's too slow it doesn't perfuse her very well. When it paces too fast it's working too hard and wearing itself out. So on Thursday, Grandma gets a pacemaker. It's not that is is all that invasive but grandma's not the healthiest either. So more prayers, more worries, it will be okay, right???

Stay on pace, right?

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Random things about me...

Another silly meme I found from somewhere, not sure where. Nothing exciting to post so I'll bore you with details of my life.

Accent: Unfortunately, I think I'm starting to get a Minnesota accent...ya know?

Book that I like:
My favorite is the Alienist by Caleb Carr but my favorite authors are Patricia Cornwell and Kathy Reichs

Chore I don't care for: Vacuuming

Dog or Cat: Either, but I have two cats right now because my lifestyle wouldn't be fair to a dog. I'm never home during the week.

Essential Electronics: My DVR for sure, laptop, and my pager

Fragrance (Cologne): Ralph Lauren Style

Gold or Silver: I like both in the same piece

Handbag I carry most often: A medium size black standard looking bag but the nice liner is a sweet hot pink!

Insomnia: have a med that seems to be helping. My brain just doesn't like to slow down at night

Job Title: Physician Assistant, Dept of Orthopedic Trauma Surgery

Kids: Just two overweight cats but I absolutely can't wait to be pregnant and a mom someday

Living Arrangements:a sweet 2500 finished square foot, three story townhome built in 1938...hardwood floors, crown molding, glass doorknobs. There's a newer unfinished basement underneath but I havent' done anything with it yet.

Most Admirable Trait: The ability to start a conversation with about any one. Comes in handy with such a varied patient population. I've lived a lot of places, had a lot of experiences, helps to pull on those whenever possible.

Naughtiest Childhood Behavior: Standing in the middle of the wheat field after spending the day riding with Dad in the combine. He dropped me off with my grandpa to ride the grain truck back into town because it was getting too late for a little girl to be out in the field. I threw a huge hissy fit and grandpa spanked. The story goes that I stood up all the way to town...I don't actually remember the experience...he never had to spank me again :)

Overnight hospital stays: When I had my tonsils out. And they let me eat all the banana and root beer flavored popsicles I could!

Phobias: Being alone, small spaces

Quote: I chose the road less traveled and that has made all the difference

Religion: Catholic

Siblings: A younger sister by four years

Time I wake up: Between 5:15 and 5:50 am, depending on the day of the week

Unusual Talent or Skill: I can pop my IT band back and forth across my hip to make it look like my hip is dislocating :)

Vegetable I Refuse to Eat: There aren't really any

Worst Habit: I peel my fingernails down to the quick when I'm on road trips or anxious

X-rays: MRI of my head to make sure mjy migraines were really just migraines and, several foot series because I have a tendency to run into things. I read them every single day.

Yummy Stuff I Cook: One kickass chili and I make a homemade brandy pumpkin pie from scratch.

Zoo Animal I Like Most: Giraffe...they are sort of awkward but at the same time oddly graceful. Hopefully like me

Saturday, June 10, 2006

End of the week

This week has been emotionally draining and professionally satisfying all at once. So when I didn't get out of bed until 10:45 this morning, I really didn't feel all that guilty.

Mom is home from the hospital. Dad went up and got her yesterday. My grandma is still in the hospital but as of today is suppose to be getting out of the ICU. The world of blogger's got a bit smaller after a few other people that have either had cancer, have lost someone to cancer, or are currently going through the process left comments. I have been able to communicate with a few strangers that have offered wonderful words of support and experience. I would try to name them but I am sure to leave someone out, but thank you.

Summer officially has started for the trauma service! Tuesday had us on our toes from 5 am until the middle of the night. My particular role means I don't say all night but I was there for 14 hours on Tuesday! I was so wound up when I got home that it took me another two hours to get to bed. I was super busy and a bit harried at work but I was useful. That made it a great day. Thursday we had numerous elective surgical cases scheduled and the team handed over the scapel and screwdriver in the afternoon. Again, busy and under pressure but loving it. I definitely work in the right job for me.

So last night I relaxed at a Hawaiian themed party while the God's rained down with a horrific thunderstorm. After resetting the Moxi box, the DVD player and the TV this morning to get them all to work again I've started working on "house cleaning". With the increase in temp I think my cats are going to explode. There is hair everywhere! It's cool, gray and rainy today so a good day to be productive at home, right?

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Deja Vu...HNT

Think you have seen this picture before??? Nope, I did something new to it tonight but it is the same knee as last summer...different sport this time. This is post sandlot volleyball. At least I got to vent a little. NOW both grandma AND mom are in the hospital. Long story, don't feel like telling....Happy HNT

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Mom update

I'm exhausted...we had polytrauma after polytrauma today at work. But I did get a chance to check in with my mom twice. She sounds as weak as a kitten, has gotten a couple units of blood and is on IV antibiotics for most likely a kidney infection related to her kidney tubes. Thanks to everyone thinking and praying for her. Day by day, right?

Monday, June 05, 2006

Can't sleep

Mom's in the ER again after only being out of the hospital for the last two weeks. She went up last Tuesday for chemo (she has decided to do 6 treatments and see what happens). Her new external kidney tube wasn't working but they couldn't do anything about it that day so she had to go back on Wednesday and they put her under anesthesia and exchanged it. She went home same day.

Last night she got nauseous and had the feverish chills bit going on. Tonight my dad and sister laid down an the hospital in the car or in the ambulance. She chose the car so my sister headed off for the 132 mile drive with my mom. Just got off the phone with Dad and they are at the hospital and they are running tests. Don't know what is wrong yet but they are "working on it". I can't sleep waiting, I don't wait well, don't think a sleeping pill will help plus I don't want to miss Dad calling with the update so I'm blogging.

Lime did another list the other day and laid it out for anyone else to participate in. Since I can't sleep/don't want to go to sleep, I'll bore you all with weird little facts about me.

1. When was the last time you had sex?
Within the last 48 hours

2. How do you flush the toilet in public?
Most public toilets that autoflush before I have even had a chance to stand up...I HATE that!

3. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?

4. Do you have a crush on someone?
Not recently

5. Name one thing that you start to get tense about if you are close to running out of it?
Books to read, have to go to Barnes and Noble to stock up when that happens

6. What famous person do you (or other people*) think you resemble?
The boyfriend says I look like Hillary Duff...not sure on that one. I think Debra Messing with a few extra pounds on me

7. What is your favorite pizza topping?
Sausauge, mushrooms, and onions

9. Do you crack your knuckles?
Knuckles, wrist, ankles and my IT band!! (The IT band is a cool party trick, makes it look like I'm dislocating my hip)

10. What song do you hate the most when it gets stuck in your head?
uhhhmmmm...nothing sticking so I guess I dont' know.

11. Did just mentioning that song make it get stuck in your head?

12. What are your super powers?
I have this sixth sense thing in my tummy that is almost always right, whether it was a good or bad feeling

13. What is the hardest thing you have faced?
Watching my mom slowly deteriorate health wise.

14. Where are your car keys?
Uhhhh...hopefully in the box next to the front door but for all I know they are still hanging in the doorknob.

15. Whose answers to this questionnaire do you want to hear?
Anyone who wants to answer.

16. What's your most annoying habit?
Every time I take a shower, when I towel off my face I make this big sighing sound. Drives the boyfriend nuts.

17. Where did you go on your last vacation?
Does a continuing ed conference to San Fran count if I played too? Otherwise, I went to mom and dad's in SD for Easter.

18. If you could punch one person in the nose and get away with it who would it be?
Do I have to stop with just punching? If I struck this particular individual once I might just not stop so I better not say who.

19. What is your best physical feature?
My eyes...I love my eyes. I got my grandma's Irish green ones with long lashes. Unfortunately they give me away quite easily sometimes. No poker face for me...the eyes have it.

20. What CD is closest to you right now? literally?
one of the Mission Mountain Wood Band's Private Stash collection

21. What three things can always be found in your refrigerator?
Wine, cheese, something that needs thrown away!

22. What superstition do you believe/practice?
I always say the rosary when I'm landing in an airplane.

25. Do you talk on your cell phone when you drive?
Yes, bad habit I started when I lived in Phoenix and would creep along the freeway at 10 mph for 23 miles. It became a way for me to get things done.

26. What would your name have been if you'd been born the opposite gender?
I don't know, never asked my parents.

27. What song(s) do you sing most often in the shower?
I sing along always with whatever is on the radio.

28. If you could go back or forward in time would you and where would you go?
I have always thought it would be fun to live in the 20's....moonshine, flapper dresses, great dances.

29. What is your favorite Harrison Ford movie?
Sabrina and The Fugitive, both show very different sides of him as an actor.

30. What CD is in your stereo?
Martina McBride Greatest Hits, Rascal Flatts Feels like Today, and Coyote Ugly Soundtrack

31. What OCD qualities do you have?
When I leave on a trip my house has to be clean before I leave. Bed made, dishes done, laundry put away. I also print my calendar in pencil...NO scribbling things out. Messy....ew, don't like messy.

32. How many kids do you want to have?
None yet, but I very much want to be a mom.

33. If you could kiss anyone famous who would it be?
Sean Connery

34.Would you really want to kiss someone you didn't know, even if they are famous?

35. What do you do when no one is watching?
If I told you that it would no longer be any fun to do alone.

36. If they made a movie about your life, what actor/actress would be the best for this job?
Debra Messing or Jodie Foster

37. Would you rather die in a blaze of glory or peacefully in your sleep?
Quickly, that's all that matters in the how I die equation

38. What candy, from when you were a kid, do you miss the most?
Twin Bings, you can't hardly find them anywhere any more. The originals anyway, there are a lot of knock offs

39. What is your favorite kid's movie?
Lady and the Tramp

40. Favorite musician(s)/bands you've seen in concert?
Martina McBride, Alison Kraus and Union Station

41. Have you ever been in love?

42. Do you talk to yourself?
Always, but it isn't always clear that it is myself I'm talking to and I often get unsolicited answers back :)

43. Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the face of the earth?
A few ex bosses, an ex husband, stupid people in general

Walk that walk

Ever realize how fast health care professions walk?

I never really noticed until this past September when I broke my foot and was trying to keep up on rounds. Now I've noticed it every once in awhile. Today, I noticed...I was wearing a nice form fitting business skirt just above my knees and the slit in the back was too short to allow me to take my full, fast stride. I fixed that...I slit the slit. But still...why the hell do we walk so fast?

Sunday, June 04, 2006

More San Fran pics

These two proud parents were very protective of this little egg. They barked at me the whole time I was taking the picture through the fence. Can't imagine if the fence hadn't been there!

The one thing that surprised me about Alcatraz was all the beautiful flowers and plants. I don't know exactly what this particular one is but they covered an entire cliff side.

The only time I have seen calla lilies is at weddings. They were growing all over like crazy on The Rock! Such beauty in a place where there was such violence.

This is from the top of the cliff looking back down toward the dock. Like I said, green stuff growing everywhere. At one point over 150 civilians lived on the island...the warden and his family, the guards and there families, etc. This is one of the houses. Not a bad house, uh?

This is the inside of the warden's house. It burned with the exception of it's brick framing during the Native American occupation; they don't know if it was an "accident" or not. But now it's filled with all sorts of flowers and green things.

Another peak back at the mainland from the island. We lucked out and had a beautiful day for picture taking across the bay. Not a whiff of fog anywhere. The next day the fog never did lift!

A group of physician assistants touring Alcatraz would of course take a picture of the Hospital Rules and Regulations! Duh! We couldn't go upstairs to the actual hospital but I had to take this shot.
So, what is your opinion? Did that group that escaped really escape? Are they still alive? Myth Busters says it could have been done....ever wander where your neighbor came from????

The streets of San Fran are awesome. This is from the backseat of our cab as we headed to the wharf to leave for Alcatraz. The picture doesn't do the steepness justice but it was pretty sweet!

Thursday, June 01, 2006

I didn't leave my heart in S.F.

When I travel, whether for work or pleasure, I make food a big part of the trip. San Francisco was no exception. Last night we hit Tarantino's on the Wharf follwed by Buena Vista for coffee, and then Ghiradelli Square for chocolate. What more could you ask for???

That bottom layer separting out is pure Irish Whiskey baby! Kept me warm on the trolley ride back to the hotel.

This was actually ROUND 2 of dinner...I started with the first glass of Kendell-Jackson Chardonney and crab cakes with Mango Salsa. Then the WHOLE dungeness crab. Did I mention I like to eat on these trips??

What would a trip to San Francisco be without a voyage to "The Rock"? This is the warden's house after it was burned out during the Native American occupation of the island. I have more pictures later of all the beautiful flowers now growing inside the house and elsewhere on the island


Block D (on the left) was for those that still just couldn't behave. And if they still acted up, the bottom row shows the isolation cells. The very top row, last cell was the "home" of The Birdman. The view on the right is a sliver of what the prisoners could see from a few windows

I was joined on the tour by several of my classmates from PA school...Brian, his girlfriend Mandy, myself, Carrie, and Dan. Don't we look smart??? And cold!!!!

Inmates were granted food, shelter, clothes and medical treatment. Everything else was a privelege they had to earn. The left hand picture is the recreation yard which inmates on good behavior could visit once a week. The view on the right is through a cracked window in the prison cafeteria.

I have more pictures to share and will be doing so as the week goes on. San Francisco was fun and I will definitely plan to go back again for more fun and less work. I managed 24 hours of continuing ed though. Next time, I'm hitting wine country!