Late HNT

I hate softball. It is too slow, not enough going on throughout the game. Plus, I'm not very good at it because I have never played it much. Thursday night's I play softball for a team that is short on girls and more out for fun than to win. Tonight, I had a kickass game. I hit the ball...TWICE..and with good solid contact. But the best part of the night was a kickass catch I made in mid-centerfield. Running, reaching and nearly tackled by my centerfielder who literally spun around me as I caught the ball. Sweetness!

That only made the sports week better...last night, short one player we crushed our opponent in volleyball. the 5 of us were on fire.

So for HNT...the golden arm! Happy HNT

5 things

Lime had another great meme so since I'm eating and blogging tonight (see her last list) I thought I would play along.

5 Things always in my purse:
1. Migraine meds
2. Key ring with all those discount cards
3. Gum
4. My Barnes and Noble Member Card
5. My lime green pocketbook

5 Things always in my wallet:
1. Driver's license
2. Old movie stubs
3. My Mayo High School fundraiser card
4. My debit card
5. My scrapbook store punchcard

5 Things always in my refrigerator:
1. Eggs
2. Out dated milk...I never get around to finishing a whole jug myself
3. Cheese
4. Beer
5. Something that should have been thrown out...a long time ago

5 Things always in my closet:
1. Too MANY CLOTHES!!!!
2. A belt I never wear
3. Four rubbermaid drawers
4. A tub of unmatched socks
5. Cat hair...in every corner

5 Things always in my car:
1. Road Atlas
2. Gas receipts
3. CD player with a cassette converter (my car is"pre-2000")
4. Window scraper
5. Snow boots and a blanket

5 (or more) Things always on my desk:
1. A collection of ceramic cups I made in college for "desk stuff"
2. Stack of books in my 'to read' pile
3. A printer currently out of ink in it's printheads...might just buy a new printer, there are four of them at $59 a piece!
4. A piece of glass with a skier and mountains etched on the INSIDE...cool, uh??
5. Coupons I never remember to put in my purse

5 People to tag...Yeah, you :)
1. You, in the blue shirt
2. You, the one blogging nekkid
3. You, the one eating and blogging
4. You, the one with insomnia
5. You, the one desperately searching for a blog topic

I'm melting...

No, I didn't get drenched with a bucket of water and melt into a puddle of ooze. It is just HOT here! 90+ degrees with a heat index because of the 85% humidity well over 100. If it would just RAIN! Please...

The weekend was a smashing success even though we didn't get to all of our fun plans. WICKED is phenomenal. If you have read the book, seeing the sarcastic Elphaba and the ditzy Galinda live only highlights their personalities. If you haven't read the book, it's not quite the same story so I would still wade through the big text. The music, the costumes, the make-up was all wonderful. The boy has been to a lot more Broadway shows than I have and he thought this was the funniest one he has seen.

Dinner was fabulous, the hotel great. Tickets to BODYWORLDS were another story. Didn't make it but no big deal. No same day ticket reservations on the phone, an hour to stand in line to get from the door to the desk. Forget it! It is there until September so we will have plenty of time to go see it. Instead we hung out more at the Mall of America. I have a new iPod Shuffle thanks to the Apple Genius desk (nope...they couldn't fix it either, just exchanged it). So tonight when I was sweating away in the gym I at least had my own music.

Made it home last evening and stayed in with the air cranked! Is tehre an end to this heat??

Weekend plans...

I get the boy fro a whole weekend!!! He's been gone a week and busy the week before and I 've been a stress basket from hell because of everything else going on in my own life. We have had this weekend planned for a while and it couldn't have fallen at a better time.

The first thing on the agenda? WICKED: A NEW MUSICAL. Ever wonder how one became good and the other one bad? Well, we will be in the third row at the Orpheum Theater to find out!

Yes, we are both geeks. We will not deny it. Sunday morning we will head to the Apple Store, one of our favorite stops at the Mall of America. I'm an iPod Shuffle. Mine has a case of the "green orange blink of death". Not good. The boy got it for me for my birthday in October so it is still under warranty. Hope to exchange it and have my gym music back again.

Last but not least, there is an exhibit at the Science Museum of Minnesota which I can't pass up. BodyWorlds is a group of partially and mostly dissected HUMAN CADAVERS! Yeah, baby. They are posed in various acts and I can't wait to see them.

HNT...Shock Absorbed!

Guys, I'm sure wearing a plastic cup over the family jewels is uncomfortable? But...the new Victoria's Secret "Shock Absorber" sports bra, well...it has to be right up there in the uncomfortable as well. Check out the before and after of this baby....

It isn't Kevlar but it damn well could be!

Yes, that is a METAL buckle on the side. Absolutely no jigglin' here!

These are about 10 minutes after it was removed, I played volleyball in it, went to bible study and ice cream and then came home. So a total of about 5 hours on. OUCH!!! BUT...It's great for jumping, running, and diving.

The things we girls do...

St John's Block party

Rochester, MN doesn't have a lot of night life. It's not so bad though because Minneapolis and LaCrosse aren't all that far away and there's plenty to do there. But check out this gig...

Ticket in advance to St John's Block Party $12
Number of drink tickets we bought $10
Friends hanging out 6
Dinner at TGIFridays $$$$$
Getting to see Soul Asylum live 2 days before their CD release AND in the second row PRICELESS!

That's right. Second row of the pit with the band live. It was awesome. Their new CD is going to be great. Check them out on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno this week.

Next weekend...Wicked at the Orpheum Theater!!!

Going home..

The reason for the long road trip this weekend was to see my mom. She went back into the hospital on Friday with a kidney infection due to a kidney tube that came loose. She had high fevers, low blood pressure, low red cell count. IV antibiotics later, fluid and 2 units of blood later she is stable. She is going home tomorrow with the decision made to NOT do any more chemo. She will get pain pills and oral antibiotics to keep infections at bay. It's the right decision but I'm scared.

Road trippin' HNT

The quality of this photo isn't all that great but it's the best I could do at 85 mph on a two lane South Dakota State Highway at 8:30 in the morning knowing I had a 600 mile drive a head of me. This is a sign of how I know I'm getting close to home.

It's not "technically" patriotic but I think it is also a symbol of a holiday weekend like the 4th of July. People going home, Midwesterners stopping long enough in the fields to gather for picnics, roadtrips, and commaderie. So Happy 4th of July! If I see ya on the road, I'll wave :)

470 miles of my trip is on interstate. Hundreds of poor souls stuck on I-90 across South Dakota with nothing to look at but hoping not to run into a highway patrolman as they fly across the prairie. But when I pull off on Highway 63 north I know I'm almost home because the instant I'm off the interstate I am greeted with this wave for the next 130 miles by nearly every car and definitely EVERY trucker.

You don't take your hand off the wheel, it's propped on the top of the steering wheel comfortably. You simply lift up your thumb, pointer and middle finger in a half wave. Sometimes you nod your head a bit too. But however it's done, it's a general "hi" to everyone you pass. It's an acknowledgement.

Now, when I took this picture there wasn't a car coming to wave at but I wanted to take the shot while I remembered and didn't want someone thinking I was really a lost out of stater with a camera if I took it when I really was meeting someone on the road. So "hi" to everyone this Fourth of July week!

A cold one...HNT

It's summer time so that means sand volleyball and cold brews. Tonight we pulled out three more wins to give us a record of 15-0. Cause for a bit of a celebration. So before I wash off all that nasty sand here's a "mug shot" with my toesies.


Does that mug look similar to anything you've seen before? I think it's owner is missing something. Guess I should put it in a box and get it to him since his birthday was months ago :)

Ever just want to look at someone and say, "duh" and mean it with every once of your being?

Wow...where did the weekend go?

I give up...

In spite of being post-call on Friday I was at work until 5 pm. Then a nap for an hour, a shower and a nice dinner and a movie. We went to Click. Studies have shown anticipation of seeing a funny movie actually causes beneficial increases in endorphin levels. I anticipated a funny movie. By the end of it, the boy was holding my head on his shoulder as my mascara ran down my face onto his sleeve (at least it was a black shirt). I went spill the beans on the movie but there are lessons to learn in it and it isn't all Adam Sandler funny.

Saturday we slept in late. Really late. It was 11:30 before I was out of the shower and moving around. After catching up on my friend Dan's world travels I sat out to run a few errands. I'm cat sitting for a friend, wanted to find a pair of denim capris, and needed to get groceries both for myself and for the massive pot of chili to be made. That got me home again by 5. I made a Chicken Club Ring for dinner with salad and fruit. After making plans to go to a street dance, our plans were foiled by mother nature. When 11:30 rolled around and our friend called to say she was off work, we had been asleep on the couch for over an hour! Oops.

We made plans to meet for lunch and then fell back asleep with a movie on. Eventually made it to bed. Today, it was up in time for 10 o'clock church. Joined up with everyone afterwards for lunch. From lunch to home to pick up the townhome president to go pick out storm doors, then home for 20 minutes before going back to the church for a meeting. Then to the boy's house for a couple hours. Then Target for a few non-grocery things.

Now, chili's made, garlic bread is warming, and I'm about to put it all away and go to bed! the rain all weekend has made me grumpy, the running around made me tired and I'm just going to curl up with my cats and a book and call it a night.

have a great week

Couldn't be more on the dot...

The PJ's You Are Most Like: His Shirt

You're a loyal and caring girlfriend who can't get enough of her man So much so that you love to have him with you 24-7 And when he's gone, wearing his shirt is the next best thing

What Kind of PJ's Are You?

Daily ritual

There are a lot of things we do every day (or should do every day)...brush our teeth, go to bed, hit the snooze button, read before bed, feed the dog/cat/fish. Little habits and quirks that make us who we are. There are a lot of things we do every month...pay the rent, the mortgage, the car payment, call that good friend, etc. Weekly tasks include taking the garbage out, maybe a weekly league sporting event. Some of these things we enjoy doing, some we have to do and some we just despise all around.

I have a new "ritual" that is starting to bug the hell out of me. I've never been the type to get my mail every day. I usually go out to the mail box about every other to every third day. What I end up doing with my mail every time I do collect it out of the box is stand at the kitchen counter with the cupboard door open to get to the garbage can so that I can throw 80% of the mail I get out!

Many of you in my age group have student loans. Well, the feds are hiking the rates so every single financial agency (bogus or not) is sending out teasers to get you to consolidate with them. My loans have been consolidated and locked in since 6 months after I graduated college and grad school. Then there are all the credit card companies that know you have student loans and can't spend your own money so why not spend their's. I also get an absurd amount of medical product related media about the newest and latest miracle cure/device/pill for this, that, and the other thing. Then there's the mortgage companies that want to get you a better interest rate. The local business' with the "fine print" coupons that don't really do you any good anyway.
So, I'll continue to wait two to three days to collect my mail. I'll continue to have to throw 80% of it out. And they wonder why the rain forests are disappearing!

Split...HNT

This is how I feel of late...split, divided, separated. Too many emotions to sort out...happy, sad, prayerful, tired. Sometimes all at once, sometimes alternating...all the same being.

Happy HNT

The subconscious mind

The subconscious mind is a horrible, evil thing. When one has full use of their facilities, it can easily be supressed. Things we chose to forget can easily be tucked away. Raw emotions, unimportant tid bits of information, pain...if fully aware can be hidden safe in the recesses of our mind.

Add a little stress (a dying mother, an ailing grandmother), long hours at work (it's trauma season, duh), travel (a conference, a marathon to work), trouble sleeping (it's too hot, the brain won't slow down) and those carefully tucked away what-nots seep slowly out of their crevices into one's subconcious. So when the exhaused carrier finally reaches the point where she sleeps deeply, the subconscious puts on a dreadful show completely with emotions, smells, sights, and sounds.

This invasion of my finally restful nights leads to a return of many doubts and fears subsequently affecting my relationships with those closet to me. Remember the post a few HNT's ago where I lamented about my inability to utter those three little words to the individual I now love? Last week in the middle of a dream I walked up to him at his kitchen table, put my arm around his shoulders and said "I love you" clear as day and without hesitation. That woke me right up! God, I wish it rolled off that easily when I was awake.

Three years ago last week the person I loved and had vowed to spend my entire life with handed me his wedding ring and left two weeks later. I've mostly moved past that. Well, now that it's that time of year again the subconscious mind where all that pain and heartache has been has started seeping. Two days in a row now I have been awakened in sweats and out of breath from dreams of my current relationship crumbling in front of me. Scares the shit out of me and makes me doubt and question even the slightest suggestion of anything not being just right.

I HATE THAT!!! It's a weakness. It's a sign I don't have control of that piece of my head. It's a testimony to what I can't say when I am in control. It's a whisper of what I should say. It's a trap leading me into self-doubt. The conscious ,logical, level headed part of my brain tells me everything's fine, life is hectic but it's all okay. Now how do I explain that to those that I need to explain it too...

They ran...

I don't have any pictures loaded yet (I have to wait until my sister gets home and downloads them to share) but I've made it home from Grandma's Marathon weekend in Duluth, MN.

It turned into a terrible race day. Air temps topped 90 degrees and the humidity was through the roof. Bad all around for runners. The top male finished in 2 hours, 14 minutes, and 30 secs, top female in 2 hours, 33 minutes, and 39 seconds. Average time overall was 4 hours, 30 minutes, and 25 secs. A South Dakota runner that my sister was aquainted with was running with the Elite group to qualify for the Olympic Trials. He finished 13th overall and missed qualifying time by 3 minutes. He has another race or to to make it so not all is lost.

"Knowing" someone in the race was way different. All of us at the medical tent at mile marker 19 started yelling at him as soon as we saw him and he had no clue who we were. It was awesome. As he passed, my sister yelled out the special message from our acquitance and he gave us a smile and a thumbs up. We got all teary eyed! Marathon runners are crazy!

My favorite runner was a guy whose foot I took care of. He was 90% covered in skin grafts after having been severaly burned about 11 years ago. One of his graft sites on the botttom of his feet was split open. He had a blister parallel to it and I put a blister dressing over it and then. The graft edge was split open about a centimeter at it's widest point. I put four blister dressings down it's length to pull it together, taped around it to keep it on and put his sock back on and he was off. The guy was built like a brick shit house and amazingly good looking. Yes, good looking...skin grafts from head to toe and he was beautiful! I don't know his name, don't know if he finished, but something tells me he did!

My sister rubbed and rubbed on several runners to get cramps out. A couple had to pull out there but a lot more got back up after she was done and were back on the course. My aunt had a 50 something with chest pain and a bottoming out blood pressure so he got an IV and an ambulance ride. Overall a busy day and we were wiped out at the end.

On the home front, my own Grandma got her pacemaker and feels well enough to be grumpy! Mom is still at home, had chemo about four days ago and yesterday was pretty sick. Today she feels better.

Now a week with lots to get accomplished. I'll sit down later tonight and write my schedule out and it will be okay.

Spare HNT

I took this a few months ago when I thought I could stock pile HNT shots. I hadn't used it yet because lately I have felt inspired. Tonight is a rush...we were on call and I was at work until 6:45 which left me just enough time to drive to my house for a change of clothes and pack into the car for our 7:15 volleyball game.

9-0 baby! And the knee is still intact this week. Dinner afterwards, a shower and scrub, and to the boy's house. Tomorrow off to Duluth for Grandma's Marathon weekend. My aunt, my sister and I are the medical team for mile marker 19...a ER nurse, an athletic trainer, and a PA respectfully. Should be fun.

So here's a spare shot I had saved away. I bought this chain and my grandma gave me the pendent. I love it. It is solid silver so it's a bit heave and when it rests against my skin it gets warm. Plus it goes with a lot of things. And yes, that's my trusty fuzzy bathrobe.

Happy HNT!

Pacing

Nope, I'm not walking back and forth across the room. Pacing tonight refers to several different things.

Last night the boy and I did a sweet bike ride on the local trails in town. Kept up a pretty good pace, even if the ride ended up longer than planned due to some male testosterone related navigation issues. No hard feelings, it was a beautiful night and the legs were feeling good. I kept the pace until one last big hill. I hate hills, I always slow down about 1/3 of the way up. Oh well! It felt good.

I've also been pacing my schedule. I'm a doer, I would rather have several meetings on the same night every night of the week, multiple tasks at work, a few games to get to, etc. With everything that has been going on, I've been mentally and physically unable to keep up that pace. I have purposely waited to schedule several meetings, we have slowed our surgical calendar to allow more room for trauma cases. In general, instead of time managing, I've just avoided scheduling. It's helping.

Finally, grandma's heart isn't pacing right. She is in "sick sinus". So her heart alternates between a too slow rhythm and a too fast rhythm. So when it's too slow it doesn't perfuse her very well. When it paces too fast it's working too hard and wearing itself out. So on Thursday, Grandma gets a pacemaker. It's not that is is all that invasive but grandma's not the healthiest either. So more prayers, more worries, it will be okay, right???

Stay on pace, right?

Random things about me...

Another silly meme I found from somewhere, not sure where. Nothing exciting to post so I'll bore you with details of my life.

Accent: Unfortunately, I think I'm starting to get a Minnesota accent...ya know?

Book that I like: My favorite is the Alienist by Caleb Carr but my favorite authors are Patricia Cornwell and Kathy Reichs

Chore I don't care for: Vacuuming

Dog or Cat: Either, but I have two cats right now because my lifestyle wouldn't be fair to a dog. I'm never home during the week.

Essential Electronics: My DVR for sure, laptop, and my pager

Fragrance (Cologne): Ralph Lauren Style

Gold or Silver: I like both in the same piece

Handbag I carry most often: A medium size black standard looking bag but the nice liner is a sweet hot pink!

Insomnia: Constantly...now have a med that seems to be helping. My brain just doesn't like to slow down at night

Job Title: Physician Assistant, Dept of Orthopedic Trauma Surgery

Kids: Just two overweight cats but I absolutely can't wait to be pregnant and a mom someday

Living Arrangements:a sweet 2500 finished square foot, three story townhome built in 1938...hardwood floors, crown molding, glass doorknobs. There's a newer unfinished basement underneath but I havent' done anything with it yet.

Most Admirable Trait: The ability to start a conversation with about any one. Comes in handy with such a varied patient population. I've lived a lot of places, had a lot of experiences, helps to pull on those whenever possible.

Naughtiest Childhood Behavior: Standing in the middle of the wheat field after spending the day riding with Dad in the combine. He dropped me off with my grandpa to ride the grain truck back into town because it was getting too late for a little girl to be out in the field. I threw a huge hissy fit and grandpa spanked. The story goes that I stood up all the way to town...I don't actually remember the experience...he never had to spank me again :)

Overnight hospital stays: When I had my tonsils out. And they let me eat all the banana and root beer flavored popsicles I could!

Phobias: Being alone, small spaces

Quote: I chose the road less traveled and that has made all the difference

Religion: Catholic

Siblings: A younger sister by four years

Time I wake up: Between 5:15 and 5:50 am, depending on the day of the week

Unusual Talent or Skill: I can pop my IT band back and forth across my hip to make it look like my hip is dislocating :)

Vegetable I Refuse to Eat: There aren't really any

Worst Habit: I peel my fingernails down to the quick when I'm on road trips or anxious

X-rays: MRI of my head to make sure mjy migraines were really just migraines and, several foot series because I have a tendency to run into things. I read them every single day.

Yummy Stuff I Cook: One kickass chili and I make a homemade brandy pumpkin pie from scratch.

Zoo Animal I Like Most: Giraffe...they are sort of awkward but at the same time oddly graceful. Hopefully like me

End of the week

This week has been emotionally draining and professionally satisfying all at once. So when I didn't get out of bed until 10:45 this morning, I really didn't feel all that guilty.

Mom is home from the hospital. Dad went up and got her yesterday. My grandma is still in the hospital but as of today is suppose to be getting out of the ICU. The world of blogger's got a bit smaller after a few other people that have either had cancer, have lost someone to cancer, or are currently going through the process left comments. I have been able to communicate with a few strangers that have offered wonderful words of support and experience. I would try to name them but I am sure to leave someone out, but thank you.

Summer officially has started for the trauma service! Tuesday had us on our toes from 5 am until the middle of the night. My particular role means I don't say all night but I was there for 14 hours on Tuesday! I was so wound up when I got home that it took me another two hours to get to bed. I was super busy and a bit harried at work but I was useful. That made it a great day. Thursday we had numerous elective surgical cases scheduled and the team handed over the scapel and screwdriver in the afternoon. Again, busy and under pressure but loving it. I definitely work in the right job for me.

So last night I relaxed at a Hawaiian themed party while the God's rained down with a horrific thunderstorm. After resetting the Moxi box, the DVD player and the TV this morning to get them all to work again I've started working on "house cleaning". With the increase in temp I think my cats are going to explode. There is hair everywhere! It's cool, gray and rainy today so a good day to be productive at home, right?

Deja Vu...HNT

Think you have seen this picture before??? Nope, I did something new to it tonight but it is the same knee as last summer...different sport this time. This is post sandlot volleyball. At least I got to vent a little. NOW both grandma AND mom are in the hospital. Long story, don't feel like telling....Happy HNT

Mom update

I'm exhausted...we had polytrauma after polytrauma today at work. But I did get a chance to check in with my mom twice. She sounds as weak as a kitten, has gotten a couple units of blood and is on IV antibiotics for most likely a kidney infection related to her kidney tubes. Thanks to everyone thinking and praying for her. Day by day, right?

Can't sleep

Mom's in the ER again after only being out of the hospital for the last two weeks. She went up last Tuesday for chemo (she has decided to do 6 treatments and see what happens). Her new external kidney tube wasn't working but they couldn't do anything about it that day so she had to go back on Wednesday and they put her under anesthesia and exchanged it. She went home same day.

Last night she got nauseous and had the feverish chills bit going on. Tonight my dad and sister laid down an ultimatum...to the hospital in the car or in the ambulance. She chose the car so my sister headed off for the 132 mile drive with my mom. Just got off the phone with Dad and they are at the hospital and they are running tests. Don't know what is wrong yet but they are "working on it". I can't sleep waiting, I don't wait well, don't think a sleeping pill will help plus I don't want to miss Dad calling with the update so I'm blogging.

Lime did another list the other day and laid it out for anyone else to participate in. Since I can't sleep/don't want to go to sleep, I'll bore you all with weird little facts about me.

1. When was the last time you had sex?
Within the last 48 hours

2. How do you flush the toilet in public?
Most public toilets that autoflush before I have even had a chance to stand up...I HATE that!

3. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?
Always

4. Do you have a crush on someone?
Not recently

5. Name one thing that you start to get tense about if you are close to running out of it?
Books to read, have to go to Barnes and Noble to stock up when that happens

6. What famous person do you (or other people*) think you resemble?
The boyfriend says I look like Hillary Duff...not sure on that one. I think Debra Messing with a few extra pounds on me

7. What is your favorite pizza topping?
Sausauge, mushrooms, and onions

9. Do you crack your knuckles?
Knuckles, wrist, ankles and my IT band!! (The IT band is a cool party trick, makes it look like I'm dislocating my hip)

10. What song do you hate the most when it gets stuck in your head?
uhhhmmmm...nothing sticking so I guess I dont' know.

11. Did just mentioning that song make it get stuck in your head?
Nope

12. What are your super powers?
I have this sixth sense thing in my tummy that is almost always right, whether it was a good or bad feeling

13. What is the hardest thing you have faced?
Watching my mom slowly deteriorate health wise.

14. Where are your car keys?
Uhhhh...hopefully in the box next to the front door but for all I know they are still hanging in the doorknob.

15. Whose answers to this questionnaire do you want to hear?
Anyone who wants to answer.

16. What's your most annoying habit?
Every time I take a shower, when I towel off my face I make this big sighing sound. Drives the boyfriend nuts.

17. Where did you go on your last vacation?
Does a continuing ed conference to San Fran count if I played too? Otherwise, I went to mom and dad's in SD for Easter.

18. If you could punch one person in the nose and get away with it who would it be?
Do I have to stop with just punching? If I struck this particular individual once I might just not stop so I better not say who.

19. What is your best physical feature?
My eyes...I love my eyes. I got my grandma's Irish green ones with long lashes. Unfortunately they give me away quite easily sometimes. No poker face for me...the eyes have it.

20. What CD is closest to you right now? literally?
one of the Mission Mountain Wood Band's Private Stash collection

21. What three things can always be found in your refrigerator?
Wine, cheese, something that needs thrown away!

22. What superstition do you believe/practice?
I always say the rosary when I'm landing in an airplane.

25. Do you talk on your cell phone when you drive?
Yes, bad habit I started when I lived in Phoenix and would creep along the freeway at 10 mph for 23 miles. It became a way for me to get things done.

26. What would your name have been if you'd been born the opposite gender?
I don't know, never asked my parents.

27. What song(s) do you sing most often in the shower?
I sing along always with whatever is on the radio.

28. If you could go back or forward in time would you and where would you go?
I have always thought it would be fun to live in the 20's....moonshine, flapper dresses, great dances.

29. What is your favorite Harrison Ford movie?
Sabrina and The Fugitive, both show very different sides of him as an actor.

30. What CD is in your stereo?
Martina McBride Greatest Hits, Rascal Flatts Feels like Today, and Coyote Ugly Soundtrack

31. What OCD qualities do you have?
When I leave on a trip my house has to be clean before I leave. Bed made, dishes done, laundry put away. I also print my calendar in pencil...NO scribbling things out. Messy....ew, don't like messy.

32. How many kids do you want to have?
None yet, but I very much want to be a mom.

33. If you could kiss anyone famous who would it be?
Sean Connery

34.Would you really want to kiss someone you didn't know, even if they are famous?
Probably

35. What do you do when no one is watching?
If I told you that it would no longer be any fun to do alone.

36. If they made a movie about your life, what actor/actress would be the best for this job?
Debra Messing or Jodie Foster

37. Would you rather die in a blaze of glory or peacefully in your sleep?
Quickly, that's all that matters in the how I die equation

38. What candy, from when you were a kid, do you miss the most?
Twin Bings, you can't hardly find them anywhere any more. The originals anyway, there are a lot of knock offs

39. What is your favorite kid's movie?
Lady and the Tramp

40. Favorite musician(s)/bands you've seen in concert?
Martina McBride, Alison Kraus and Union Station

41. Have you ever been in love?
Yes

42. Do you talk to yourself?
Always, but it isn't always clear that it is myself I'm talking to and I often get unsolicited answers back :)

43. Is there anybody you just wish would fall off the face of the earth?
A few ex bosses, an ex husband, stupid people in general

Walk that walk

Ever realize how fast health care professions walk?

I never really noticed until this past September when I broke my foot and was trying to keep up on rounds. Now I've noticed it every once in awhile. Today, I noticed...I was wearing a nice form fitting business skirt just above my knees and the slit in the back was too short to allow me to take my full, fast stride. I fixed that...I slit the slit. But still...why the hell do we walk so fast?

More San Fran pics

These two proud parents were very protective of this little egg. They barked at me the whole time I was taking the picture through the fence. Can't imagine if the fence hadn't been there!

The one thing that surprised me about Alcatraz was all the beautiful flowers and plants. I don't know exactly what this particular one is but they covered an entire cliff side.


The only time I have seen calla lilies is at weddings. They were growing all over like crazy on The Rock! Such beauty in a place where there was such violence.




























This is from the top of the cliff looking back down toward the dock. Like I said, green stuff growing everywhere. At one point over 150 civilians lived on the island...the warden and his family, the guards and there families, etc. This is one of the houses. Not a bad house, uh?

This is the inside of the warden's house. It burned with the exception of it's brick framing during the Native American occupation; they don't know if it was an "accident" or not. But now it's filled with all sorts of flowers and green things.

Another peak back at the mainland from the island. We lucked out and had a beautiful day for picture taking across the bay. Not a whiff of fog anywhere. The next day the fog never did lift!

A group of physician assistants touring Alcatraz would of course take a picture of the Hospital Rules and Regulations! Duh! We couldn't go upstairs to the actual hospital but I had to take this shot.
So, what is your opinion? Did that group that escaped really escape? Are they still alive? Myth Busters says it could have been done....ever wander where your neighbor came from????

The streets of San Fran are awesome. This is from the backseat of our cab as we headed to the wharf to leave for Alcatraz. The picture doesn't do the steepness justice but it was pretty sweet!

I didn't leave my heart in S.F.

When I travel, whether for work or pleasure, I make food a big part of the trip. San Francisco was no exception. Last night we hit Tarantino's on the Wharf follwed by Buena Vista for coffee, and then Ghiradelli Square for chocolate. What more could you ask for???



That bottom layer separting out is pure Irish Whiskey baby! Kept me warm on the trolley ride back to the hotel.

This was actually ROUND 2 of dinner...I started with the first glass of Kendell-Jackson Chardonney and crab cakes with Mango Salsa. Then the WHOLE dungeness crab. Did I mention I like to eat on these trips??

What would a trip to San Francisco be without a voyage to "The Rock"? This is the warden's house after it was burned out during the Native American occupation of the island. I have more pictures later of all the beautiful flowers now growing inside the house and elsewhere on the island

THE ROCK: ALCATRAZ FEDERAL PRISON

Block D (on the left) was for those that still just couldn't behave. And if they still acted up, the bottom row shows the isolation cells. The very top row, last cell was the "home" of The Birdman. The view on the right is a sliver of what the prisoners could see from a few windows

I was joined on the tour by several of my classmates from PA school...Brian, his girlfriend Mandy, myself, Carrie, and Dan. Don't we look smart??? And cold!!!!

Inmates were granted food, shelter, clothes and medical treatment. Everything else was a privelege they had to earn. The left hand picture is the recreation yard which inmates on good behavior could visit once a week. The view on the right is through a cracked window in the prison cafeteria.







I have more pictures to share and will be doing so as the week goes on. San Francisco was fun and I will definitely plan to go back again for more fun and less work. I managed 24 hours of continuing ed though. Next time, I'm hitting wine country!

HNT...The San Francisco Treat

I'm in San Francisco for a conference so I'm half assing HNT for the week. This first picture is from Alcatraz looking back across the Bay to San Francisco. Wind was blowing like crazy but at least there is no fog. It has been a great week and I'm off to bed in order to be up at 5:30 am to get ready to fly home. I miss the boy and the cats! So here's a little San Francisco treat for you...


I was briefly incarcerated here so I figured my mostly covered nekkid-ness would work from inside a jail cell. More pictures to follow once I'm home and get everything downloaded.

Ladies, Be happy...

I went to a lecture today on Female Sexuality: Satisfaction and What to do when you aren't? Ladies, be happy if you do NOT live in Australia. Several studies have been conducted asking woman about sexual dissatifaction related to both physical and nonphysical factors. Studies showed that 71% of woman in Australia were dissatisfied sexually! Only 24% of US woman were dissatisfied.

Unfortunately the rest of the lecture really wasn't all that interesting. It was sort of common sense...physical problems, stress, lack of interest/attraction, emotions...all can play a role in sexual satisfaction. Duh! At least I got an hour of continuing ed for it.

Now off to bed, I'm still on central time in my head and it's telling me it's late.

A little trip

First off, thank you to everyone who left encouragement, prayers, and well wishes yesterday. The next few weeks, months, whatever will probably see a lot more of me being vulnerable. All I can do is take care of what I can take care of and try not to worry about the rest.

With that in mind, I made the decision to go to the conference I had planned to go to. So, tomorrow morning I fly to San Francisco for a week. It is the annual national PA conference. This means a lot of my classmates from grad school will be there as well as some co-workers and professors. I'm excited. I'm rooming with a classmate and we plan to have just as much fun as we do education.

A little trek to Alcatrez, maybe an afternoon in Napa and about 30-40 hours of CME! And no work! I always use these trips as an escape anyway so this one couldn't be better planned. Oh yeah...I'm also going to eat a shitload of seafood!

Hopefully there will be a few photo opportunities as well. But again, thank you to everyone that has my family and I in your prayers. Thank you!!

HNT...most vulnerable

This is me at my most vulnerable...

For a few reasons. First because I think it is the most revealing picture I have ever shared with HNT but also because of what it means. I have mentioned a rant is on the way. I'm not sure if it will get published and those closest to me have already heard it. Instead of a rant, I think I'm going to rename it a "release" and this might be enough.

My mom is dying of cancer.

She has been for five years so one becomes numb a bit to the reality of it when death has been hovering for so long. Well, this past Friday her main oncologist called me at work to ask me if I could talk to her about why comfort care/hospice might be the best option at this point. I have medical training, I have a "good" understanding of the science behind treating or not treating an illness. But, my God, he just asked me to explain to my mom they why you should "give up".

I use the phrase "give up" because if my mom decides to NOT have any further chemo that is what she sees it as. Giving up, giving in, letting it win. However, you look at it. It no longer allows her to be involved in her care. So, how do you tell a strong, faith filled woman with a Midwestern grit that all the medical treatment in the world won't treat her cancer anymore?

So...I feel vulnerable. I have cried more in the last five days than I have in a long time. Remember, I don't cry a lot anymore. I have had "the" conversations with my mom and dad about life. I don't want to be the responsible, strong, educated, level headed one in this situation but it's falling on my shoulders somewhat. Someone has to do it right?

Well, over the last few days with people very close to me I have allowed myself to not be that person and to completely breakdown. Completely exposed my true emotions about the choices to be made. Tonight...I did that in front of a complete room of acquiantances...in the middle of bible study tonight I completely and totally fell apart talking about something unrelated to my mom's health and healthcare choices. Then as we were closing after I had finally composed myself, our group leader asked the group to pray for me and while they were praying I was blubbering, snorting and bawling my eyes out. I don't "DO" vulnerable well...

When I'm most vulnerable and feeling the most pain, I curl up with a stuffed animal and attempt to disappear within. I can outline a different stuffed animal for each of the most stressful or emotional low points in my life. This poor little guy has been stuck with a big task....the little panda bear just joined my collection after the boyfriend went to the San Diego Zoo. Poor little guy didn't know he was going to have to curl up in the arms of a scared, vulnerable woman.

I don't know what my mom's treatment choice will be. That's for her to make. I'll tell her what I think. I'll tell her why. But I can see both sides of her personal choice too. Cancer sucks! In her eyes, I will try to pull it all together. But this is what I'm really doing....

A rant to follow...

I'm working on a rant but until then some mindless word games will work better and are probably safer. So I stole this one from Lime.

I AM: a rock on the outside, scared on the inside

I SAID: "He broke his leg, he broke his leg" as Barbaro pulled up short today.

I WANT: to not be a smart, responsible adult some days

I WISH: Not very often

I HATE: Cancer, dishonesty, being helpless

I MISS: My mountains

I FEAR: being alone

I HEAR: my kitty pseudo snoring/purring next to me

I WONDER: will things ever calm down?

I REGRET: the lost of a first true love

I AM NOT: going to wallow

I DANCE: like Lime...pretty much anywhere. In the shower, around the kitchen, in the living room and any club we ever get too (and yes, I've danced ON the bar!)

I SING: all the time but never well :) "If God gave you a bad voice, sing twice as loud to punish him" (Aaron Alme)

I CRY: at all three of the Triple Crown Races as they make their last turn. Today I bawled through the whole race.

I AM NOT ALWAYS: Patient

I MADE: my first banana bread out of the Sesame Street cookbook when my mom wasn't home...the doggy wouldn't even eat it :(

I WRITE: with emotion

I CONFUSE: most people

I NEED: an escape.

I SHOULD: get off my butt and finishing cleaning my house.

I START: more than one thing at a time

I FINISH: when I get around to it

It's been a year of HNT????

I'm in no mood to be festive so all I'm able to get up tonight is my very first photo. My mom is in the hospital again with more complications related to her cancer and I'm sort of grumpy.

So here is my first picture. It tells you a few things about me right off the bat if you don't know me. I like my feet and I also have reoccuring injuries to my feet...this particular event involved a shampoo bottle in the shower leaving that evolving bruise at the base of my third and fourth toes. I also like to read...that is a copy of Cold Mountain. I also appreciate good looking men...that's Jude Law next to my big toe. I'm Christian...that's a toe ring with little crosses all the way around (it's been on since May of 4 years ago???) I watch a lot of TV...that's the TV remote next to my toes. The only change since that picture is I have removed the TV from my bedroom. Amazing what HNT reveals about us uh? Thanks fr sharing yourselves.

So Happy Anniversary to everyone that's been around since the beginning, thanks for joining to all those that made it such a success, and welcome to those continuing to join the madness. Happy HNT!

Why?

Marriage is a sacred vow. Have we as a society forgotten the commitment that "sacred" and "vow" imply? Why do people cheat? Why do intelligent, smart individuals find it impossible to be faithful. Characteristics like honesty, trust, faithfulness use to be taught, honored and respected. Where are we headed???

Please pray for my friend.

HNT...i've stuck with it

January 2005 I made a resolution to get more organized. I have always prided myself in my mental ability to remember dates, meetings, schedules, assignments, tasks, etc. I made it through high school without any form of written planner. In college I at least started using a planner to write my class schedule in but after the first week or two of classes I rarely used it. When assignments were due, I just "knew". I also don't make lists. Never have, still rarely don't. Drives certain people crazy that I don't write things down.

Over the last two years, my roles have changed. I have multiple responsibilities; larger career related roles, numerous separate groups at one church, more personal commitments. It become obvious I had to keep them straight because slowly I began dropping things here and there. It led to undue stress.

I first purchased a nice leather binder with a yearly calendar with two pages per week. I found it at Walmart for $20 and filled it with pages from Franklin Covey. A year later I was actually still using it. In fact, I purchased my 2006 calendar in August or September 2005 because I had dates going into it that far out. I have also started traveling a fair amount for work and have been hauling the same computer/carry-on bag since my senior year of undergrad. It has been extremely useful and has carried my laptop safely accompanied by some pretty robust textbooks through the years. But it is huge and heavy when full.

Now I'm taking the organizing one step further and streamlining. Don't pack as much, have my calendar always accessible (either in paper or electronic format), only take what I'm really going to have time to work on/read when I travel. It's been working so I decided I needed to use a smaller, classier bag to travel with for my computer, binder and light flight or meeting needs.

This is what I settled on....red (think power meeting), classic (think professional and "grown-up") and my computer, binder, keys, wallet and a small novel all fit! I love it!

T

Stole this from Os and he was gracious enough to give me a letter. So here it goes...

This is how it works: Comment on this entry and I will give you a letter. Write ten words beginning with that letter in your journal, including an explanation of what the word means to you and why, and then pass out letters to those who want to play along.

TENACIOUS: That sounds better than "hounding" right? Throughout life I have always been persistant when my mind is made up. I once wrote "The Greek" (the head trainer for the Denver Broncos) and Mike Shanahan letters every two weeks to try to get an intership with the team in athletic training. I didn't get an intership but when The Greek came to Helena that summer I had a personal audience with him. Last year when I had a boss who preferred I hadn't been there, I pulled up my boot straps and held to my morals to make it through. Tenaciousness is a good thing.

TACKLES: as in football. I LOVE the sound of a good hard hit on the football field. A bit on the morbid side but there is that sudden collision of forces that makes my blood rush. I don't want to play football, just revel in watching it. My favorite place to watch it from...the side line of course in case those tackles lead to an injury.

TEA: From late September until about mid April I have a hot cup of tea nearly every night before bed. It started in college when we had a hot pot to boil water. It use to just be plain Lipton Tea. As I have gotten older, my taste in tea has changed. I like tea that comes in silk tea bags, tin canisters, flavored. My current favorite is Ginger Peach. When I don't have hot tea, I have hot cocoa. Something about going to bed in the dead of winter with a little warmth right in your middle. Comforting.

TACOS: One of my favorite foods, but I'm picky about my tacos. My favorite is a homemade taco bravo. Start with a griddle, coat it a bit more than lightly with vegetable oil. When the oil gets hot, lay the small soft corn tortillas on it. Let them get slightly crisp on one side while the softer "up" side bubbles. When you take them off only lightly dab with a paper towel and fold in half. Then fill a regular hard taco shell with meat, then cheese, then onions and then only a VERY VERY light sprinkling of lettuce. Add sour cream, guac and black olives. Then smear the inside of the slightly cooled soft shell with refried beans. Fold it over your loaded hard shell. Enjoy with ice cold Kokanee (A Canadian Glacier brewed brew that I can not find for the life of me here in Minnesota)

TROUBLE: I was always called a goodie twoshoes growing up because I listened to my parents, got good grades, and didn't break the rules. Now, I'm an adult. I'm educated. Now...I like to cause trouble. I prefer to call it making waves, or causing a stir. When something strikes me as unjust or unsupported or simply opposes common sense I will make ruffles until I get the matter fixed. Some cause that "making trouble". If "making trouble" is what it takes to get ridiculous polices and procedures changed, I'm going to continue making trouble.

TRUSTWORTHY: I'm trustworthy to a fault. People can trust me to the core. But on the other hand, I trust others often too willingingly. I like to believe that others live their lives with the same morals, standards, and expectations which I have. I've been burned more than once...they don't. So if you are looking for someone to lean on, I'm a good bet but after getting burned too bad a few times don't be put off if I take a while to trust you.

THUNDERSTORM: My favorite weather anomaly. My favorite place to listen to a thunderstorm...in a TENT. I love the heaviness in the air just before the clouds let loose. I love the pounding of big, fat raindrops splatting on the side of my tent. And the smell of damp earth after the big storm. All my favorites. If there is a smell to "green" it is the smell that you smell in Glacier Park after a huge downpour complete with echoing thunder off the rocks.

TEARS: I don't cry very often anymore. Use to all the time...a happy Disney ending, a puppy or baby commercial, movies, someone being nice. A good two months of pretty much constant tears when my husband left me pretty much dried me up. Now, it just seems like too much energy to cry again. I cried today though. The one thing that can make me cry 100% of the time is when I get very very mad. It has happened for as long as I remember. I get thoroughly, completely ticked off and about the time I'm about to spew what I'm really thinking, the tears well up. Any one know how to turn that faucet off?

TOMATO: a favorite "little kid" memory. Old style school lunch ladies (they made things from scratch!), spring, fresh garden tomatos, sliced thick and sprinkled with sugar. Yummmy!!!

TRAILS: Where I like to go when I need to think, re-energize, re-organize my head. Preferrably a less frequently hiked trail, preferrably somewhat darkened with overhanging trees. I like to just walk, find a cool rock to sit on, write in my journal, take nature pictures and walk the trail. Feels better when I'm done.

Implied Intelligence

Through out one's life, we interact with many individuals. As we go through life, we chose to advance our education, pursue a career, work in that career field. At least that's the plan, right?

As students we look to our teachers and parents for guidance. We trust those educating us are providing us with the knowledge we need to pursue our desires. Not so much true in grade school and high school...there we are being taught more the of the basics, everyone focusing on the framework for future learning and moral development. For the lucky, something we are taught in those years catches our attention and we develop a desire to pursue that farther as we advance to college, trade school, apprenticeships, etc.

Again, we look to our professors, mentors, future colleagues to guide our learning. It becomes our responsibility to learn about our chosen profession and then venture into the career world armed with the knowledge to do well in one's career. Please stop me here if I have said something incorrect.

However, I'm starting to believe once we enter a career field we may be making an assumption that is kicking us all in the ass. Let's start with a simple example. When you walk into McDonald's you assume the clerk at the counter has the skills to take your order, make change, and tell you to have a nice day. You don't expect that person to offer you ethical advice, manage your business portfolio, or cure your illness. Now, let's go to a more complicated example. When you work in the healthcare profession, it is implied doctors, PAs, nurses, have a baseline higher level of education and when caring for patients should be able to do so with the knowledge they learned to rectify the situation. You don't expect a healthcare provider to advise your next stock purchase.

As my high school teachers always said..."when you assume something you only make an ass out of you and me". I wouldn't say I have become an ass but I have become disgruntled when dealing with fellow health care providers as of late. By implying a medical degree gives one superior skills in caring for one's health is becoming not always a certainity.

I am not claiming to be any smarter than those I work with on a daily basis. Not in a long shot...there is so much more I have to learn. I am quick to point out areas I do not have knowledge in, actually sometimes to fault. But, at the same time, I do my job to provide the best possible care to my patients and expect those other individuals charged with the same responsibility to do the same. Oops...big mistake!

The "title" of doctor, physician assistant, financial advisor, software engineer, mechanic implies a baseline knowledge in that area of the world. What it does not imply is the common sense to relate to patients, clients, customers, and maybe more crucially, colleagues. THAT is what we don't get taught and I have learned is not safe to assume everyone has it.

Is it too much to ask for respect from fellow co-workers when working towards the same goal in whatever your profession? Is it too much to ask very highly educated individuals to ignore their textbook knowledge to actually logically think through a situation? Do they still teach "logic" in school? Uhm....just a random Monday rant.

Have a great week everyone.